brad rubs his hands together too much, it's a creepy habit, especially when accompanied by a slow head nod and his vacant eyes (does he love me or want to rape me?). often he will be doing this standing with his feet wide apart. i would imagine that if he wanted to make this move a little more complex, he could add a bite down on the lower lip or bend and flex one of his knees in synchronization with the head nod.
another note here, there are two contenders still alive with really weird (awful) hair. lisa, who looks like any member, pick a member of def leppard, and marissa, whose side part is so far over it is maybe 1/2 an inch above her ear. it doesn't get better, later marisa will randomly accessorize her 10/90 with a crown.
brad takes shawntel on a shopping spree at crystals, las vegas, one of the world's primo shopping centers. i wish the montage was longer, i only recognized her shopping bags from fendi, bally, paul smith and carolina herrera. not bad. however, after looking at a directory of stores for crystals, shawntel is now at the bottom of my list, even below cray cray michelle and volleyball player/midriff shower/jennifer garner look a like alli. her shopping spree is maybe the greatest tragedy in the show's history. had i gone on that date, i would have gone to stella mccartney, balenciaga, bottega veneta, miu miu, hermes, lanvin, tom ford, prada and ysl. i probably would have forgotten brad's name and lost control of my motor skills and collapsed a few times. i don't enjoy shopping very much but that would have been hysterical. especially because i would probably be extra skinny from not having eaten for the three weeks i was on the set for the show. had i been at the hotel when shawntel came home, i would have spit on her bags and called her a BAD NAME. i may have attacked her. sorry bro, that was not good. brad, on the other hand, walks away with one bag from zegna. good job brad. hope you didn't buy another vest.
she made up for her catastrophic failure a little bit when she was telling brad at dinner that she was a funeral director and embalmer. "you basically want to replace the individual's blood with chemical". yes. "you only want to make one incision because if you have to make another, there's room for leakage." awesome. brads facial expressions are priceless, and he laughed more on this date than he has any other. "i think you're the hottest funeral director i've ever met." a fireworks show ensues, and it is visible from the hotel where the rest of the girls are staying. they are mesmerized and look like laboratory rats smashing their bodies against the glass fighting for the last sunflower seed or last injection of the latest pfizer drug.
the group date was a total set up by the producers to push brad and emily together. they go to a nascar arena, where emily's fiancee happened to have ended his racing career with a crash. he pulls her aside two, maybe three times to talk it out because he feels like an ass hole. the girls get super jealous. she ends up driving around the track at 12 mph with the sound track of dances with wolves playing in the background. it would have been more moving except that she could barely see over the wheel and looked like this (minus the angry face and lavender cardi):
"if you're not sure about me, please send me home" has become the default statement when a girl feels insecure about brad's feelings. they don't mean it and it's manipulative. chantal is the latest to use it. this is her third week in a row to cry. stop it! also alli, who is becoming more catty by the day, had a tearful conversation with brad by the pool.alli: it's just so hard to feel special..
brad: i'm sorry, what's your name?
a: i know, it's so stupid, i wish i didn't feel this way
b: did you just get here? are you sure you're on the show?
a: i shouldn't be crying about this, i just want to feel special.
b: have i taken you on a date? the girl i took to the amusement park seemed to have a much smaller neck than you.
jk, in my dreams. bottom line, emily gets the rose because she is awesome and is the cutest person ever.
the two on one date was lame, save the shots of the cirque du soleil crew. both of the girls were on the outs anyway, and the nyc nanny is officially gone. the camera breaks away to ashley crying at least 7 times. my favorite one was her crying with elvis singing "are you lonely tonight" in the background. the answer is yes. hugs to your crackly voice and fake southern accent. looks like we will have to look at ashley the dentist with her anorexic eyebrows for another week.
so after soul searching the next morning (a phone consultation with his on call, west coast therapist), brad is ready to make more cuts at the rose ceremony. more whining, crying girls, and michelle pulls out her dominatrix card and instructs brad that "it's time to send some girls home now". oh brad loves it. it was super creepy. love her!
in the end, brad cuts marissa and lisa. he says it's because they had less of a connection with them than the others, but i know that it's because he couldn't see himself married to and spending his life with:
or
i think alli will go next, and maybe britt if she doesn't get a individual date soon.
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