oh say can you see

luckily, brad did not forget to pack his balls for his trip to costa rica. not so lucky, he also packed tevas. speaking of wardrobes, the black step aerobic pants that all the girls seem to have ENDLESS supplies of, has gone from being irritating to a detriment. if i knew i was going to be on national television for weeks, my first move would not be to pack 147 pairs of stretchy black pants. but we'll have to get past that, they all brought them, lots of them, they wear them and like them a lot.

i am happy to report that chantal "lima bean ears" o has mostly recovered from her dramatic bout last week. she has now turned up the brat and outspoken volume controls, but that is to be expected at this stage. in addition, her boobs also seem to be heading upward with every passing show, they are now in alignment with her collar bones. great one on one date, they had good chemistry, although i think i would bore of the "world's longest zip line" after a couple of runs. their night date got a little racy with chantal changing into one of brad's white button downs, but it was still pg13. one watcher still closed her eyes and prayed.

the group date the next day required the girls to dress up like intel workers to repel down the side of a waterfall.

michelle suddenly lost her fear of heights. and then she made fun of jackie, who was genuinely afraid. britt, the resident anorexic, looked like she was struggling, luckily she had eaten plenty of celery, iceberg and dentyne gum beforehand for energy. that evening, given passive aggressive remarks (jackie), aggressive aggressive remarks (michelle), and self-fulfilling prophecies (emily), brad withholds the rose. no one is safe.

the next day, brad picks alli up for their date on horseback, where they resembled shrek and his wife, fiona, on donkeys.

they went through a 40 million year old cave and then attempted to have a picnic at an ancient site called "the altar". metaphors abounded. later at dinner, alli (who was wearing a dress that i carried at my shop 4 years ago..i guess steinmart now carries dvf?) confessed that she felt so comfortable with brad and that she could hang out with him every single day. he said he agreed but admitted there was no romantic connection. she left without a rose and wiped her giant tears away with her giant hands.

earlier in the episode, michelle began physically abusing brad. after his date with alli, she begins phase two, stalking.

this was by far the worst dressed rose ceremony so far. maybe the humidity had something to do with it. on that note, does anyone think that it is strange how surprised the girls are that it rains all the time, given that they are in a rain forest? britt looks like she's taking hair cues from dog the bounty hunter. emily apologizes and comes clean about her confession from the previous night. chantal, who looks like bam bam flintstone, tells brad she has fallen in love with him. finally, brad confronts michelle about her overbearing behavior and she cries and looks forlorn.

five roses are given out, jackie is kicked off and brad announces to his shrinking harem that they are going to anguilla. the girls act like they've heard of it before.