rugs not drugs

the bachelor took a violent twist this week, lots of fist pumping, black eyes, talk of giving and receiving black eyes, talk of tearing off heads, and gang signs being thrown around. lots of girls crying too, which jse would say is worse than getting a black eye. or getting castrated. all in all a pg-13 episode.

what the heck was chris harrison wearing in the morning? i think he woke up at the house of a weezer band member. what happened with wardrobing here?

after the initial announcement from michelle of her mystery black eye (to which she later explains "i probably punched myself in the middle of the night"), we find out that one of the white girls with a black girls name, chantal, gets the first one-on-one date. she was cute and casual, but i may have opted against the burn out tee that she chose. she has a serious rockin bod. she and brad had cute matching black leather jackets, and that did warm my heart considerably. they went walking on the floor of the ocean and then drank wine and made out in a cabana on the beach.

i've noticed that a lot of women start getting symbolic about their dates. for example, chantal said that risking love can be like the ocean, it opens up a whole other world. later on, michelle says that scaling down the side of the building with brad shows that she and brad can conquer anything together (given harnesses and helmet cams). let's stop trying to be deep here, folks, otherwise, brad has spent a lot of money on botox, a lobotomy and a face lift, and it may all come undone. staples and lug nuts will fly.

and speaking of brad's lobotomy, his talk of therapy is starting to become a little much. anytime someone talks about "walls" or "commitment issues" or "trust", he makes some comment like "and I KNOW" or "TRUST me, i've been there" or something really dolt like that. stop it, we all know that your therapist keeps your nuts on his bedside table. let's move on please.

the group date was a serious mess. i think the girls are starting to come unglued. the highlight of the group date was when alli asked to spend time with brad and before they even sat down, the little nyc nanny, ashley, came in and said with a crinkled face and baby voice: "i'm sorry, can i steal you away" and alli stood up for herself and told her that they just sat down, could they have another minute. she says "i'm sorry.." and then opens her arms and wants a hug from alli! like "f you, validate my rude, disingenuous behavior please! but look i'm so cute!" and if you thought she was indeed, being sincere, as soon as alli's back turned, ashley whips her hair around and puts on a coy smile for brad. sick. gross.

on the topic of alli, she is on the same path as meghan. if you are over 5'10 and/or 150, you've got to play your girly card a lot more. because let's face it, you can't wear platform heels without looking like a tranny. otherwise you will end up the lesbian friend, as we saw was the fate of meghan.

michelle's one on one date was ridiculous, of course. she pretended she was afraid of heights and even pulled out a cry. then they were in the pool drinking sparkly. awesome. the best part of their date was beforehand, when michelle was miffed that brad was trying to get cray cray jr (ashley the dentist) under control and chantal called michelle out. big time. it was so awesome, all the girls in the room i was watching with looked like that cartoon on the old spaghettio's can.

the rose ceremony was uneventful, for the most part, except for a few bad hairstyles and some odd behavior from the cast offs. meghan's exit, which joanna called a giant walking through a tiny house, was rough. sort of like shrek in heels. or mrs doubtfire in jazzercise. it was so crazy! she may be embarrassed when she watches that. the redhead picked her wedgie on the way out, that was pretty funny also.

once again, all my picks are still alive, but i am officially withdrawing my support for ashley the dentist. she doesn't have what it takes to be a womack. AND, i am officially changing my number one pick to chantal o. i think her personality matches better with brad than emily's. not that they don't match, but even with 1500 therapists, i don't think he has the emotional resources to match emily's.