"avocado"

v2.15 (second trimester, 15 weeks)

it is now my ultimate goal to deliver on the same day as natalie portman. i think this would build the bridge between us to be besties. i would totally get matching kabbalah ankle bracelets for her. even in june when my ankles are the same size as my knees.

i am convinced that everyone i see, whether in person or on screen, is getting skinnier.

jse told me that i am no longer a heifer but a cow. that i will never be a heifer again. from now on, i will always be a cow. i suddenly longed to be a heifer. and then i thought that life for a young female cow is not that easy, you constantly have bulls in your business trying to hump you. my final opinion is that i feel good about the transition.

the indention from the zipper and button of my jeans is still visible on my skin from yesterday. i've been using this trick that jwm taught me of using a hair rubberband to connect button to buttonhole but i was feeling skinny and went for it. i hope i didn't squish nuggie's brain.

ahg suggested a few maternity looks for me, she's volunteered to be my image consultant.

what do you get when you cross a cowboy and a ninja?

two of these..
six of these..
one of these..
and one of these (no, a betrothal)..
baby echols, coming july 2011

eskimo pie

did you know there were real eskimos walking around in new york? her sugar cube igloo was around the corner. of course, a hipster eskimo..
jk it's ruthie!

rugs not drugs

the bachelor took a violent twist this week, lots of fist pumping, black eyes, talk of giving and receiving black eyes, talk of tearing off heads, and gang signs being thrown around. lots of girls crying too, which jse would say is worse than getting a black eye. or getting castrated. all in all a pg-13 episode.

what the heck was chris harrison wearing in the morning? i think he woke up at the house of a weezer band member. what happened with wardrobing here?

after the initial announcement from michelle of her mystery black eye (to which she later explains "i probably punched myself in the middle of the night"), we find out that one of the white girls with a black girls name, chantal, gets the first one-on-one date. she was cute and casual, but i may have opted against the burn out tee that she chose. she has a serious rockin bod. she and brad had cute matching black leather jackets, and that did warm my heart considerably. they went walking on the floor of the ocean and then drank wine and made out in a cabana on the beach.

i've noticed that a lot of women start getting symbolic about their dates. for example, chantal said that risking love can be like the ocean, it opens up a whole other world. later on, michelle says that scaling down the side of the building with brad shows that she and brad can conquer anything together (given harnesses and helmet cams). let's stop trying to be deep here, folks, otherwise, brad has spent a lot of money on botox, a lobotomy and a face lift, and it may all come undone. staples and lug nuts will fly.

and speaking of brad's lobotomy, his talk of therapy is starting to become a little much. anytime someone talks about "walls" or "commitment issues" or "trust", he makes some comment like "and I KNOW" or "TRUST me, i've been there" or something really dolt like that. stop it, we all know that your therapist keeps your nuts on his bedside table. let's move on please.

the group date was a serious mess. i think the girls are starting to come unglued. the highlight of the group date was when alli asked to spend time with brad and before they even sat down, the little nyc nanny, ashley, came in and said with a crinkled face and baby voice: "i'm sorry, can i steal you away" and alli stood up for herself and told her that they just sat down, could they have another minute. she says "i'm sorry.." and then opens her arms and wants a hug from alli! like "f you, validate my rude, disingenuous behavior please! but look i'm so cute!" and if you thought she was indeed, being sincere, as soon as alli's back turned, ashley whips her hair around and puts on a coy smile for brad. sick. gross.

on the topic of alli, she is on the same path as meghan. if you are over 5'10 and/or 150, you've got to play your girly card a lot more. because let's face it, you can't wear platform heels without looking like a tranny. otherwise you will end up the lesbian friend, as we saw was the fate of meghan.

michelle's one on one date was ridiculous, of course. she pretended she was afraid of heights and even pulled out a cry. then they were in the pool drinking sparkly. awesome. the best part of their date was beforehand, when michelle was miffed that brad was trying to get cray cray jr (ashley the dentist) under control and chantal called michelle out. big time. it was so awesome, all the girls in the room i was watching with looked like that cartoon on the old spaghettio's can.

the rose ceremony was uneventful, for the most part, except for a few bad hairstyles and some odd behavior from the cast offs. meghan's exit, which joanna called a giant walking through a tiny house, was rough. sort of like shrek in heels. or mrs doubtfire in jazzercise. it was so crazy! she may be embarrassed when she watches that. the redhead picked her wedgie on the way out, that was pretty funny also.

once again, all my picks are still alive, but i am officially withdrawing my support for ashley the dentist. she doesn't have what it takes to be a womack. AND, i am officially changing my number one pick to chantal o. i think her personality matches better with brad than emily's. not that they don't match, but even with 1500 therapists, i don't think he has the emotional resources to match emily's.

moonshine

on sunday, paul invited all of us to his 34th birthday dinner at moonshine in austin. i haven't been around my family since christmas so it was really good to see everyone.

here is evan reconciling his fear of jeremy's facial hair. before this moment, evan spent a significant amount of time on the verge of crying or watching him across the table in fear and suspicion.

look at the small japanese business man who joined us for dinner! he looks like he's dressed for a night of karaoke and sake bombs. party on, wayne. dad likes to pretend that he's interested in taking pictures of other people but really, let's be honest.
here's everyone together in front of the restaurant, my dad specifically asked jse to be one step down from him so the height disparity might work itself out. cute shot of eunice and of kristine's shoes. don't know why jeremy looks so confused.

there used to be a graying tower alone on the sea

i am going to start at the end because it was a RIOT. hopefully i am the last person to watch, but if you haven't, this is your one and only warning. achtung!

tonight, at the rose ceremony (has anyone noticed that brad loves calling it a cocktail party?) i saw three girls i've never seen before. really i think of myself as an observant person, but i am apparently not. my girls all hung in there (i realize my list is now up to six), but i don't think marissa's nice coloring and small-ish head is going to get her through. and jackie's slight underbite at times is starting to wear me down. starting to get off the ashley wagon, but i still believe in her.

i love the reaction of the blonde girl real estate broker who got booted. at first, her reaction was classy..sort of a practical indifference: "we just didn't have that chemistry". and then she pulls the "i think he was intimidated of me" and goes into this whole thing about how awesome she is and how she could start dating someone the next day and "be completely fine with it." listen to me, awesome people don't talk about how awesome they are.

and the other one with dep geled curly hair was wearing AMAZING mascara. as soon as she started crying, it was running everywhere..all over her face, all over her nicole miller number that she last wore to the junior national honor society dinner..

i am also starting to notice the difference between the ugly criers and the pretty ones. for the record, i am an ugly one, jse can testify. chantal o and emily are both pretty criers. ashley h and the mascara wunderkind are ugg. it's not qualitative, just a neutral observation.

i guess there's not much else to say about madison taking out her fangs or leaving. they would have been a weird looking couple anyway. he's irish pub, she's rave..he's sandblasted jeans and tight henley, she's studded cuff and tight black dress showing side boob..he's porcelain veneers, she's clip in canines.

the last thing i'd like to add is that i would love it if people would stop acting like "commitment", "walls" and "trust" are non-universal issues. dude, those are very big deals to everyone. if they are not, you are either very shallow or have some major problems.

and to rewind..

brad's date with ashley (nyc nanny) and seal was a bit mind numbing and boring. i'm glad we didn't see them singing very much, i would have preferred if we could have focused the camera more on the guy in the sound booth who had to endure it. i did tear up when seal sang "kiss from a rose", it could have been hormones, or feeling sorry for seal's career. she told brad about how she and her dad used to sing it at the top of their lungs and then he died two years ago..it was as if her dad was on the date with them. i wonder how daddy would feel about you french kissing an emotional invalid?

and then the date with emily. she's so cute, i am changing teams if brad does not end up with her. loved her floral romper. kk likes her so much she said "she doesn't deserve to end up with someone who has a cross tattoo on his back". LOL! glad she told him about her past. and on that note, part of me feels like ashley felt jealous of emily because she got trumped in a major way in the dramatic past category. ashley, i hope that dad+seal+aneurysm wasn't your ace in the pocket/hole/wherever you store your winning card.

has anyone else noticed that brad takes credit for coming up with all of these date ideas?

i am thinking about starting a new blog just for michelle. there's not a whole lot you can say about her that she doesn't say herself. oh man she is so awesome, i kind of want her to stick around just so i can hear what she is going to say and watch her make those weird oggling eye movements and weirdo hand gestures. someone called her ariel's evil twin on the little mermaid. HILARIOUS. top 3 michelle lines tonight:

"the card says love hurts but what really hurts is going on a date with all these women"
"i definitely think there needs to be a scene of me, like, drop kicking shawntel"
"when brad and i kiss, it's going to be sensual, soft, slippery" (gross)
runner up: "at the end, it will be just me and brad, in tahiti, practicing making babies"

cray cray.

tonight is the first time i've noticed shawntel. kk and dh have liked her this whole time. she does seem down to earth and cool. with a little work around her eyes (maybe an eyelid lift and some professional eyebrow shaping), i think she would look more sprightly. when you are a funeral director, you want to look as far as possible from a undertaker/death/possibly dying image.

i have to go to dinner now, but i think next week is going to be so good! it seems like team crazy will grow in strength and numbers.

the card says love hurts, but what really hurts is going on a date with all these women

jse and i just got back from nyc.. i had a menswear appointment on monday so we went for the weekend to hang out. jeremy spent most of his time video recording bums with their pants down in the subway*, talking it up with cab drivers (jse: "oh you're from haiti, do you like wyclef jean?" cabbie: "no, i like myself.") and going to watch movies after i fell asleep at 9. that would be 8 central time. he's a good muffin, that cowboy. i started a jack kerouac novel because i thought it fitting.

highlights included:

an improv performance by an assortment of writers from conan obrien, 30rock and snl

burgers, sweet potato fries and a TOASTED MARSHMALLOW MILKSHAKE at stand w ruthie

"the modern kitchen" exhibit at the moma

dinner at colicchio and sons

hanging out and catching up with ak

unsavory moments included:

trekking to doughnut plant on a freezing, windy morning to find out they were closed

missing our flight back (we were a few minutes late, the continental employees were certified jackasses) and waiting it out for 6 hours at the airport. there was a mini spa so i asked if i could get a pedicure. she said they were booked and asked if i could come in tomorrow. isn't that weird?

a nice, laid back time..

*there was another guy standing around watching this bum and his wife was really irritated and kept trying to get him to leave. his response: "wait, i want to see, he's got a big one!" i guess this is something that guys think is cool.