i'm terrified of ending up alone..in south africa

no one got the pronoun memo, fine. i would like to go into adverbs, but it will be of no use.

i am also starting to look at things in the shop and think about what the girls on the bachelor would look good in.

brad kicks off the only girl without implants this week, i'm fine with that.

love that when brad is boarding the plane, the flight attendant lingers for an uncomfortable amount of time. "ginger ale? and, meet you in 5 at the restroom?"

brad and chantal: safari date. chantal found the bongo jean shorts i wore to orlando on my senior band trip in high school and decided to wear them on her date with brad. unfortunately, it is clear at this point that she traded up burritos in anguilla for frappuccinos in seattle. as kk says, "look at those arms!" the continuous breakaway shots to the hippos were not helpful. neither was the muddy creek running behind them, brad's teva resurrection or the derivative safari commentary. we have lions in america. try the austin zoo. or come to waco and you and jeremy can see the lions at cameron park and talk about being vulnerable.

from their dinner date:
"i'll say this..oh wait, should i say this?"
"yeah, if you are asking, then you definitely should."

huh, i never learned that principle.

in the end, brad says that he loves chantal's boldness, but i think he is getting her personality mixed up with her grateful dead tour dress.

emily tick is dressed for a date in south texas, not south africa, but her charming southern idioms, cute personality and hot bod make you forget that she missed her target by 9500 miles. minus one point for "this feels like the lion king, but better" comment. the daytime date was fun, but brad awkwardly mentions how he loves baby elephants and how he misses ricky. i felt a little manipulated.

for their dinner date, brad attaches the sleeves to his convertible v neck tshirt while emily knocks it out of the park with a black mini dress. the conversation is nice but brad always looks so nervous, i guess because even he knows that emily is not on his level, she is aspirational. i was not expecting emily to tell him she was in love with him. AND, i COULD NOT BELIEVE that brad said the same thing back. it made me wonder why he hasn't said the same thing to chantal.

the date with ashley was not interesting at all until their picnic, when the difference in their life goals became abundantly clear. from that point on, they both annoyed me so much that i had to mute at times to block out smurfette's squealing or brad's endless repetition of whatever ashley just said. at dinner, she says "like, i really feel like we really do want the same things, but i have a hard time communicating that to you.." unless ashley has an android twin like brad does, who can have a family and iron brad's purple shirts and drawstring cargo pants, while pursuing a time consuming career, they do not want the same thing. i also don't know why brad keeps saying "i'm frustrated, frustrated with myself". i'm sure that is a technique that dr jaime taught him, but it releases ashley of any responsibility, which is a problem.

by the rose ceremony, it is clear that brad is not doing well with the time change. with every date, his eyes became a little bit more puffy, and by the rose ceremony, he looks like he is strung out on peyote. he may have forgotten a converter for his battery charger. but his suit looks nice, i like his tie, especially.

ashley gets the boot, with good reason, and next week, brad, emily and chantal will go to cape town to meet his family. the ending is inevitable, but i'm still looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds.