rock starry night

i decided to return to myspace a little while ago and somehow, i decided today (apparently) that one online community isn't enough. . .so here i go trying to manage two, we'll see how long it lasts. i have to say that i really love journaling (offline, on paper) so in addition to managing my cyber dualism, i will also try and manage my writing and thought content, on and off line.

hopefully i don't become a self-centered, egomaniacal blogger, those are the worst kind. or maybe i am already and will try my best to keep that under wraps. in the spirit of duplicity, i am also considering taking on a completely different personality for either, in effect, allowing a very small or non existent part of my personality to take on a life of its own. but i do think that would be weird at best and schizophrenic at worst, so i'm pretty sure i won't do that.

for now, for right now, i will just write whatever random and not-too-personal thoughts that come to mind. maybe getting peripheral thoughts out regularly will help me concentrate when i am face to face with someone. . .like a filter for tangential and digressive thoughts.

introductory, perfunctory entry one: today i am making an employee manual.

i've found this to be a tricky task. i feel, most of the time, that i think in a reasonable, logical fashion but know plenty of people who think they're normal and rational and they're definitely not. i have also been called out on some nonsensical, ridiculous thoughts/actions so i'm pretty sure i shouldn't assume that i am the litmus test for "normal". for instance, i have a couple of irrational fears that i can't explain. the first is that every time i encounter a set of stairs (traversing up or down), i imagine myself falling and breaking all of my teeth. my second fear happens every time i go into a public restroom. i become skittish when opening the door to a stall, thinking that i will find a dead body inside. i end up sort pushing the door open slowly with my index and middle fingers, craning my neck forward until my legs become brave enough to join the rest of my body. i try to tone it down when there are other people around. i think this fear was triggered after watching the professional. . .natalie portman goes into this stark white but dirty restroom at the police station and all of the sudden, the door closes to reveal gary oldman (a corrupt cop) with a gun. it's really scary! there's also a pretty scary bathroom scene in sexy beast and about schmidt.

i guess the other unreasonable thing that i think about the jetsons a lot. i say things (in my head) like "if i lived in the time of the jetsons, i wouldn't be stuck in this much traffic" or "if i were a jetson, i could program rosie (the maid robot) to bring me my toothbrush when i'm too sleepy to get out of bed".

all that to say, writing a manual is strange because i have to assume that the person reading either thinks like i do or is willing to on some level. i actually think that's a lot to expect.