"merry christ-x"

at the shop, i get all sorts of useless publications. my favorite one is this whole catalog filled entirely with hats made of raffia that come in either purple or red only. some have appliqué, some have rhinestones, some even have a sparrow or other aviary creature constructed of the same purple or red raffia. to think of an entire business built on the demographic of middle aged black women who go to church! other publications include tan-thru swimsuits, arch inserts and wig supply. i don't really take the time to cancel these, as it's mildly entertaining and i have better things to do than to sit on the phone all day canceling the hundreds of catalogs that come through the mail every week.

the most peculiar catalog i receive is from a company who specializes in t-shirts with crass humor, drug paraphernalia (my only explanation is that selling drugs is illegal but not the associated accouterments?), skateboard stickers, kool aid colored hair dye and some varieties of sex toys. i looked at the first one that came through, purely out of curiosity, but now, when i receive them, they are ditched in the garbage without another thought, along with the window cleaning supply catalog, the plus size sweater catalog and the magician's supply trade book.

this morning, said catalog was handed to my by my postal carrier. usually i have a pile of mail on top of it so it seems harmless enough. but today, this was the only thing he handed me, and it happened to feature a disproportionately large busted woman on the front, suggestively looking and posing for the camera. yeah, embarrassing.

in fear that someone else might see it if i disposed of it in the garbage can by the counter, i threw it away in the trash bin in the back and forgot about it. a couple of hours later, the ozarka man knocked on the back door. i opened the door and notice that he looks directly down at my garbage can. i look too, only to find the top half of the magazine covered up and the only thing now visible is the inhumanely large boobs of this woman. it was awkward.

and now i am faced with calling to cancel the subscription. the problem is that it's not even addressed to me but to the former owners of this store. i don't want to have to jump through hoops just to get this taken care of. that would make things far worse.

but it has been a surprise to me how little i care of what my mailman or waterman thinks of me. maybe next christmas, i can get them their own monogrammed bong. . .