panic at the discography

treatise three and a half, why i really am a sportsfan.

i cannot rattle off statistics (except for some on cal ripken). i have only vague inclinations of when each season for each sport starts. i didn't even know who was playing in the superbowl until i asked, or where it was played, or what time the game started (but at this point in my life, i also couldn't tell you when a single tv show airs or the premise of a single movie playing at the hollywood jewel 16). truth be told, i memorize random lines that i hear on sportscenter so when i'm in sporting environments, i can muster up some credibility (my all time favorites: offense wins games but defense wins championships, there are athletes and then there are baseball players, you build a team from the net out).

but i believe i can appreciate the pace, finesse, athleticism and spirit of "the game" like the drunk, shirtless and body painted guy, because likewise, regardless of experience or preference, any person can appreciate good art or good food or good humor.

i think i just appreciate it in a different way.

some examples of when team sports enter my psyche:

joe carter when i see big guys wearing shirts that are overly snug.

dennis eckersley and jim abbott when i see anyone with non textbook pitching form because they stand out in my mind as pitching anomalies.

herschel walker whenever i see someone with very small ears.

mike ditka when a new collection of missoni debuts. he loves their really ugly sweaters.

dirk nowitzki, yao ming and freaking shawn bradley when i eat spagetti because i wonder if it takes them more time to digest because their organs are longer.

so please don't put me in that box. you know, the one that you want to put the lid on when you hear me talk about my obsession with perforated leather fingerless gloves or how i salivate at the thought of kurt vonnegut's paintings.

i am a sportsfan. maybe not like you, but i am.