off to jail for YOU, mr. crabs

i am preparing to gain a lot of weight.

i mean, in the last few months, i have become a little puny, i admit. but that's not why. i've been hanging out with my newly pregnant friend all day and it's resulted in her (and me, sans child) eating like she's about to hibernate. this morning, breakfast with two friends (add that to my favorite pairings: weekends and going out for breakfast before washing my face) consisted of giant pancakes (one mixed berry and nut, one gingerbread), migas, banana nut french toast, eggs (over easy), sausage, cinammon rolls and lot of green tea. three hours later, preggers started craving bananas. somehow, down the calorically dense rabbit trail, it turned into a need for a banana split. so we went to sonic, only that on the way, she decided that breakfast was "way too long ago" and so a burger and fries accompanied said banana split. some people have convictions about letting friends drink alone. i don't. but i can't let friends eat alone.

so now, i've eaten more than i normally eat in three days and my breathing has become a little labored (much like a pregnant person might be like, only i'm not). i swam vigorously for a long time this morning so maybe that cancels out the mayo on my sonic burger or the icing on the cinammon roll. but probably not much more than that.

but actually, i'm excited. i like that even though i'm skinny, i can put away food like a truck driver (i mean, i assume they eat a lot but now that i think about it, it's probably more that their calories consumed versus expended ratio is pretty disparate). but more than that, i like that my friend is pregnant. i really believe in pregnancy. i'm hoping obama believes in it.

i have always loved kids and have always been inspired by them. i've never known why. but today, i was thinking that children are really important because they give us a second chance at innocence. anne lamott talks about how sometimes, the rediscovery of something is more meaningful than its initial discovery. and the idea of rediscovering innocence is really resonant to me.

sometimes i'm cynical. sometimes i suffer from disbelief. most of the time, i straddle black and white, good and best, duty and free will. but kids aren't even capable of thinking about that stuff and they just are. they abide. it's amazing.

love to les, biggie and buns, can't wait for our bad LDL cholesterol to shoot up together.