a haiku for you

a poem from my friend, ray.

haiku
little moths stagger quivering out of the hedge;
they will die tonight and will never know
that it wasn't spring.
-rainer maria rilke

how many fingers am i holding up?

i do the best double take. i will show you sometime. i will try to remember. or maybe you can remember to ask me. i'm working on my triple take but it can come across as contrived and robotic (both of which are true since i am faking it) but you will be convinced once i have it perfected.

i am blogging at the moment because i am avoiding this pile of purchase orders in front of me.

and now, the song i have been listening to all day, by one of my all time favorite bands, doves.

one of these days

Say something
Anything will do my love
There's a girl on the 'phone
That's the girl who's never home

Say something good
There's a wilderness of hope
That's the girl, on the 'phone
That's the girl who's never home

And your friends they were so close

Say you will stay
Forgot what I came here for
Passing signs on the road
Telling me I'm far from home

Strangers out here
Myself I disappear
That's the killer on a call
That's the man who works alone

Your friends they were so close
One by one they didn't stay
Drift away like rolling sea
One by one they drift away
One of these days
One of these days

And your friends they were so close
One by one they didn't stay
Drift away like rolling seas
Day by day they drift away
And the people that were close
Are the ones you miss the most

One of these days I'll blow away
One of these days I'll blow away

panic at the discography

treatise three and a half, why i really am a sportsfan.

i cannot rattle off statistics (except for some on cal ripken). i have only vague inclinations of when each season for each sport starts. i didn't even know who was playing in the superbowl until i asked, or where it was played, or what time the game started (but at this point in my life, i also couldn't tell you when a single tv show airs or the premise of a single movie playing at the hollywood jewel 16). truth be told, i memorize random lines that i hear on sportscenter so when i'm in sporting environments, i can muster up some credibility (my all time favorites: offense wins games but defense wins championships, there are athletes and then there are baseball players, you build a team from the net out).

but i believe i can appreciate the pace, finesse, athleticism and spirit of "the game" like the drunk, shirtless and body painted guy, because likewise, regardless of experience or preference, any person can appreciate good art or good food or good humor.

i think i just appreciate it in a different way.

some examples of when team sports enter my psyche:

joe carter when i see big guys wearing shirts that are overly snug.

dennis eckersley and jim abbott when i see anyone with non textbook pitching form because they stand out in my mind as pitching anomalies.

herschel walker whenever i see someone with very small ears.

mike ditka when a new collection of missoni debuts. he loves their really ugly sweaters.

dirk nowitzki, yao ming and freaking shawn bradley when i eat spagetti because i wonder if it takes them more time to digest because their organs are longer.

so please don't put me in that box. you know, the one that you want to put the lid on when you hear me talk about my obsession with perforated leather fingerless gloves or how i salivate at the thought of kurt vonnegut's paintings.

i am a sportsfan. maybe not like you, but i am.

off to jail for YOU, mr. crabs

i am preparing to gain a lot of weight.

i mean, in the last few months, i have become a little puny, i admit. but that's not why. i've been hanging out with my newly pregnant friend all day and it's resulted in her (and me, sans child) eating like she's about to hibernate. this morning, breakfast with two friends (add that to my favorite pairings: weekends and going out for breakfast before washing my face) consisted of giant pancakes (one mixed berry and nut, one gingerbread), migas, banana nut french toast, eggs (over easy), sausage, cinammon rolls and lot of green tea. three hours later, preggers started craving bananas. somehow, down the calorically dense rabbit trail, it turned into a need for a banana split. so we went to sonic, only that on the way, she decided that breakfast was "way too long ago" and so a burger and fries accompanied said banana split. some people have convictions about letting friends drink alone. i don't. but i can't let friends eat alone.

so now, i've eaten more than i normally eat in three days and my breathing has become a little labored (much like a pregnant person might be like, only i'm not). i swam vigorously for a long time this morning so maybe that cancels out the mayo on my sonic burger or the icing on the cinammon roll. but probably not much more than that.

but actually, i'm excited. i like that even though i'm skinny, i can put away food like a truck driver (i mean, i assume they eat a lot but now that i think about it, it's probably more that their calories consumed versus expended ratio is pretty disparate). but more than that, i like that my friend is pregnant. i really believe in pregnancy. i'm hoping obama believes in it.

i have always loved kids and have always been inspired by them. i've never known why. but today, i was thinking that children are really important because they give us a second chance at innocence. anne lamott talks about how sometimes, the rediscovery of something is more meaningful than its initial discovery. and the idea of rediscovering innocence is really resonant to me.

sometimes i'm cynical. sometimes i suffer from disbelief. most of the time, i straddle black and white, good and best, duty and free will. but kids aren't even capable of thinking about that stuff and they just are. they abide. it's amazing.

love to les, biggie and buns, can't wait for our bad LDL cholesterol to shoot up together.