girl you make my speakers go boom boom

i think i know why chris harrison always looks so weird. he wears clothes that look like they belong to someone else. really the guy should be wearing puffy plaid button downs and pressed docker khakis but someone keeps taking him to the penguin and mavi section at urban outfitters.

we open the show swiftly with emily and chris's date. after a magical metaphorical moment (climbing is like love or something)...wait, whoa, why is this male climbing assistant wearing nail polish?

well i am tiring of emily talking about how she is a "package deal" and that she "hopes" that the guy understands that. just to reiterate, it is the entire premise of the show and the reason why the whole show moved to charlotte. let's move on please.

after dinner they go and listen to some country band and while they just let loose dancing, the girl in the couple behind them is only concerned with which white middle class person in the crowd will try to steal her overstuffed houndstooth bag.

judging by the stiff and awkward phone conversation between tony the lumber trader and his alleged "son", i believe he has hired a little boy to act like his progeny in order to get an angle with emily.

there seems to be a new thing that the film crew tapes the discussion amongst those going on the group date as to what the date card could possibly mean.
"let's play...emily".
"oh bro, i'm thinking sports, maybe some kind of competition"
"maybe we are going to act out shakespeare"
maybe let's not think about this too much because the bachelorette is not known for being complicated or deeply philosophical.

emily takes the group date to meet her "girlfriends" so they can find out who would be a good husband and father and won't.

not even sure, not even sure. this lady will not be the next bachelorette.

after the group date, which ended with tony leaving and sean getting the rose, the camera rolls on the guys who stayed home.

and well well, what do we have here? looks like michael saved his jamz and hobie tank top for the special once in a lifetime opportunity of being on national tv.

a couple of observations on emily's date with arie.

continuing complexion issues.

 these are the shortest mom jeans i have ever seen.

and i'm not sure what the designers aim is here, but it looks like dolly has hooves for feet and she's naked with her legs covered in an intricate map of glitter.

well who needs reality steve when emily, herself, is going to give the ending away?! she is as transparent about arie as brad was about her.

at the rose ceremony, we had the first piece of evidence that alessandro speaks english. but clearly we're having some miscommunication, or maybe it is because he can't see anything. or maybe he doesn't actually know what "compromise" means. whichever the case, the gypsy king goes home. and has a really weird confession in the car. i would love it if this guy were the next bachelor.

the night ends with ryan growing what appears to be the opposite of a mustache, emily wearing combat boots and the gaping keyhole in her sparkley dress growing longer and longer.

finally stevie is gone. that's what you get for wearing plaid to a cocktail party.

til you turned out the porch light

if emily does not stop wearing one shoulder dresses, i will be forced to start calling her nancy kerrigan. would love it if her stylist added some variety.

this is my first time watching the bachelorette, and i am surprised to see that there are just as many crazy hairstyles as the female contestants on the bachelor!

alesandro can't decide who he idolizes more, keith urban or justin bieber.

 faux hawk was hot ten years ago, then pushed at pro cuts five years ago. not even little home schooled kids want to do this anymore. i'm really not sure where this guy has been, i wouldn't be surprised if he is still wearing his livestrong bracelet.

dudes who have long hair should have to pick all up or all down. this half pony business is very disorienting.

your chances of scoring a hot chick are low if your hair resembles that of a youth pastor.

 and a couple of complexion issues.

arie looks like he used a little too much pro-activ right before this interview.

kalon looks like he's gone sky diving repeatedly without any protective face gear.

liked emily and ryan's date! their matching style and southern accents are real cute. but i don't know why they used a whisk to mix the cookie dough. or why ryan wore a matching black shirt and handkerchief.

did not like emily disparaging brad. 

no comment on group date or her date with joe.

however ryan's letter at the cocktail party was a little rough. if you made this many mistakes in your first three sentences of a very important love letter, it's time to get out a new sheet of notebook paper.

 i did love the speed of the rose ceremony. just one leprechaun remaining.

blackberry bold

em loves to eat in season, local produce. she says that a collective conscience is what is missing in the fabric of america. i anticipate that one of her first words will be 'locavore'. her favorite food right now, blackberries.

bachelorette pad

had the impression that the newly single chris harrison was dying to create a new category for the rose in addition to the first impression rose called "best, hottest host ever that you want to run away with". at any point i was sure he was going to end the show and sweep emily off of her feet, even in the weird one shouldered, ice skating/diana ross dress she wore tonight.

no other commentary except that texas was represented well, and there are a few too many guys who resembled leprechauns, either by dress, ear position, posture or tendency to dance the irish jig at the wrong times (all the time).

my top three.

arie from the netherlands. he is my number one! race car driver, high contrast coloring, elegant, languid body language. 

ryan from georgia. the southern accent and gentility, likes kids and makes the weird cowlick in the back of his head work. very strong number 2.

sean from dallas. i don't know specifically, i guess i thought he was real nice and calm and genuine. i didn't even really notice him and then at the rose ceremony i suddenly wanted him to win!

two others, they won't make it, but i would like to see a little bit more of them before they are gone.

alejandro from colombia. spoke spanish, i have a big thing for that. no other qualifications but i am hoping this will be enough to carry him through a couple of rounds since i'd like to hear him roll his Rs and employ a lisp.

michael from austin. i don't know, the hair at first was real weird (even though dgh and lms loved it immediately, reminded them of going to toadies concerts in high school) but then it started to grow on me when he tucked it behind his ears nervously.

10 months

happy 10 months! already in this new month, margie has learned to click her tongue and how to mimic laughter. she also has a new friend, a stuffed bunny named jelly.

IRSpionage

my thoughts on the irs, in a nutshell.

1. they are so huge and bureaucratic that they don't even have an address, just a zip code
2. the remittance slip does not even fit properly into the window of the envelope. this is bewildering. like they're setting you up to fail. the back of the envelope states that you should be sure that "the return address shows through the window". is this a joke?
3. even the (ill fitting) envelope has a form number (e-205)

fumes.

over the rainbow

the first "real" (both parties acknowledged that the other is there) interaction between e.m. and lela, lesley bursts onto the scene at the end raving about our new electronic toilet seat.

wild heir

some moms wait in anticipation of their baby girls' hair growing long enough to style into pigtails, braids, what have you. but i think em's hair is very versatile, and feel like she even resembles famous people sometimes.

donald trump

 eddie munster

theodore roosevelt

mia farrow

(substitute mum mum for cigarette)

 charles in charge

 

thomas edison

bugs bunny