the chemistry of love

the baby stage is so short. if we've had a conversation, no doubt you know that it's not been my favorite time in life, not good expedition behavior as maf would say. but e.m. is starting to change so much, she eats solid food and even chews with her gums. she touches and handles things carefully rather than batting at them. she has teeth. she is emotional. she loves bearing weight on her legs. she is developing tiny, subtle, wonderful idiosyncrasies.

children make time palpable.

every night, i read em a book, swaddle her, turn out the lights and give her a bottle. she falls asleep. i sit and stare at her for a long while, partly because she is so very sweet when asleep but really it's just because i can. because one day she won't fit in my arms, one day she will be embarrassed of me for some reason, and one day she is going to be more comfortable in a bed than on my lap. and i can think back to the first part of her life, when, every night, i held her, smelled her hair and her breath, felt the warmth of her cheeks and watched her mouth twitch. i will remember that every night i held her, we were at peace and things were just right.

of course, most of the time, especially during naps, this is how our relationship feels: