it's the real thing

how would i feel if i had a giant mole? i guess by now i wouldn't notice it, but what if i noticed it all the time and thought about people looking at me for the first time and wondering if i had an m&m stuck to my face...weird.

my new crush

meet ben turner of the food network's ace of cakes. he's dreamy and i love his moustache. here he is making what appears to be a cake resembling the grill of sir mix-a-lot.

tennis courtship

there is a 96 black land cruiser around town with a for sale sign in the window. if you see it around, would you mind taking down the number and passing it along to me? merci. . .

dots not feathers

grey is the new black and jindal is the new obama.

it's fasting, and it's sizing you up.

i am off of twitter. it was like a fling but now it's over. everything about my life seems to mimick a 1983 mercedes diesel these days. incidentally, i am considering one of those as my next vehicle.

look who's popular now pt ii

Hi, RK.

cesarmillan (cesarmillan) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out cesarmillan's profile here:
http://twitter.com/cesarmillan


Best,
Twitter

who's popular now...?

Hi, RK.

Barack Obama (BarackObama) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out Barack Obama's profile here:
http://twitter.com/BarackObama


Best,
Twitter

this is why you're fat

i know you think that this is something that i would say, but it's actually a web site! some of this sounds pretty good, actually, but some of it is DISGUSTING. the top five most ridiculous foods:

5. corn dog pizza
4. deep fried coca cola
3. krispy kreme bacon cheddar cheeseburger
2. romellette
1. the meat ship

look through all of it before you go out to eat!!

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

out of the closet

this past sunday, i cleaned/organized the closet of a very good customer. at first glance, she didn't seem to have much (to keep or to get rid of), but what i didn't take into consideration at the time was that her closet is roughly twice the size of my bedroom. by the end of it, i had so much clothing in my car that even the passenger seat was stocked up to near the ceiling.

i was so exhausted that on sunday night, i didn't unload and forgot that all of those clothes were still in my car come monday morning. so, just like every other morning, i opened the driver's side door to let claire in and as she normally does, she bounds in. at that point, i realize that all of that stuff is in my car but it's too late. she's jumped in the back and started burrowing. i cannot stop laughing because all that's left visible is her tail and i cannot fish her out her because i can't see through the tears. i ended up finding her somewhere in between the jimmy choo pumps and nanette lepore suit.

this is a picture of her riding patiently atop a heap of clothes as we go to the shop.

top 3 cosmetic products

a fun list to start, JG! view hers here. i don't wear much makeup anymore, but there are definitely a few products i wear and trust, year in and year out. mimi, i think you should go next!



1. diorshow blackout mascara - it's blacker than other black mascaras and it takes less strokes to build volume. if i went on survivor, i would think about taking this as my one luxury item. i wore this backpacking in CO this summer!








2. bareminerals powder - i don't have to look in a mirror when i put this on, i can build to the coverage of a concealer, it doesn't move and it has sunscreen. i can normally be a bit of an elitist, but i think every woman ought to have this.









3. nars multiples - just smear all over your face and depending on the shade you choose, look like you spent a holiday in quebec, capetown or st croix. have been using these for YEARS and love them still. this spring and summer, i will rotate among portofino, orgasm and malibu.









i'm sorry, i have no idea why these are all spaced so far apart. . .

tous les jours...

MAN. ever since my cold sore popped up, i have made it a point to get enough sleep. last night, i slept at 10 and woke up at around 6:45. what a huge difference it makes - i feel very alert and hyper motivated. i feel like my eyes are tracking so fast that the focusing mechanism can't keep up. last week was hard because i couldn't move my mouth very much or my cold sore would split and scab up all over again. brett told me that in order to keep from laughing, i should think about dead kittens. well, thinking about roadkill kitties for a week hasn't given me a very sunny outlook. thank goodness i am back to smiling awkwardly and laughing inappropriately.

best day of the year.

today is national hug a korean day! so feel free to give me a hug, if i know you. but i don't like touching strangers so you know, nothing personal, but please don't try to hug me.

new reason to celibate!

people, it's WORLD NUTELLA DAY!! what a great day of the year. . .today, people who do not love hazelnut should hang their heads in shame. here is a yummy recipe that you can make for your world nutella day party tonight:

peanut butter nutella brownies

off the street

today, in passing, i looked at myself in the mirror and thought i looked like plastic. sort of tight looking with an eggshell finish. weird.

i have been bragging about the transformation of claire's breath - from hot garbage to minty fresh - after getting on the BARF diet. well, this morning, claire's breath smelled like hot garbage again, come to find out that it was because she really was eating garbage. my neighbor's. so i went out this morning wearing my waco lions hoodie, terry shorts, ugg boots, dishwashing gloves, and a disgruntled expression on my face to clean up the mess that my dog made of the discarded wonder bread, queso and dino nuggets that my neighbor threw away.

last, an update on my fever blister, i think i'm in the homestretch (never noticed how much the shape of my nostrils resemble kidney beans).

god has a plan and purpose for everything, even the state comptroller's office

number one. i think that tom and katie always look like they're at prom, in which case, she may want to look into purchasing one of these numbers from lesley.

second, i have a fat cold sore on my lip. when people notice, no one really says "oh, are you tired? stressed? i'm so sorry, it looks like it hurts." instead, i hear "gross, maybe you have something." nice, and you people consider yourselves friends!! here's a picture, but i wouldn't click for the close up because i have some visible boogers.

and last, i am becoming consumed and obsessed with the idea of using carrera/calacutta marble slab as a backsplash in the kitchen (i said idea, my painted bead board isn't going anywhere). be still my aching heart!