when i count to three...attack!

what is it about diamonds that seem to veer/divert the will of God?

an observation, living where i do, going to church where i do: single missionaries tend to overwhelmingly be women. sometimes it weirds me out because i wonder if they become missionaries because they don't want to be teachers or something. isn't that harsh? well, that's what i think sometimes. also, when some of these women start to date, God's will changes. they don't feel "called" to go anymore. i guess maybe God is calling them to live in hewitt in a david weekly home or something. . .it pisses me off because i think that being a missionary is a really big deal, not just a default or back up plan for an evangelical, charasmatic christian.

this sort of leads to a current snapshot of my faith. a person's belief in christ is ultimately completed by faith. yesterday, i felt sad because i wasn't sure if my own faith was an extension of being completely convinced, inspired and sold out for the cause of christ or whether it was because, to date, i haven't known anything more compelling. it reminds me of this churchill quote on government: "it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried." i don't want my faith to be my best option. i've just thought, lately, that God is so seamless and so cohesive and that i am not. that there is no way that i even have a small understanding of Him and that it's truly truly arrogant to think that i've got a better idea of eternity, of heaven, of the creator of the universe, just because of my religious affiliation.

enough of that crazy talk. in the last month, i have developed a very spectacular obsession with peanut butter and english muffins (exclusively and inclusively). i have commenced triathlon training which has left me wanting to conserve my energy outside of my training schedule. . .this is what it might look like: riding my bike for 45 miles (roughly 3 hours) and spending the next two hours in a down comforter cocoon. . .OR swimming a mile in the morning, taking a spin class in the afternoon and then fixing some jasmine tea, closing the door and spending enough time in the bath tub with epsom salts to go through 3 water changes. it's sort of weird, i feel very diametric. and i like it! having to shower twice a day? me no likey.

i have a very fantastic story about the bath tub. i would tell it right now but i am overwhelmed at how my paragraph transitions have been so smooth in this blog. i need a moment.

this post is dedicated to jg, jg, ss and mf. thanks for reading. . .sorry to be away.