Sunday, May 27, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
bad bad leroy brown
i'm having two main issues today: the domestication of animals, specifically, the dog and the cow and secondly, being cornered and then labeled as a "picky" person when it comes to restaurant choice.
to address the first, starting with some background: i like midnight snacks. i eat them even if i am not hungry. mostly because i like being secretive but also because i think midnight snacking is a lost art. several nights ago, i went to the kitchen and decided on marcy's pistachios. bradley knows when the middle of the night grazing occurs, as manifested by his licking of the chops as soon as i sit up. so i return and am laying in bed, curled around the four by six by three inch tupperware container that housed said nuts...and bradley is staring at me, intently. at first, i dismiss him thinking that dogs, in their history, have probably never eaten nuts, so he wouldn't even entertain the thought. but then i thought it would be an interesting experiment. i doled one out, and he sniffed around it, lifted his lips quiveringly to expose his two front teeth, and gingerly took it from me. after some rolling, licking and sniffing, he ate it. my dog ate a pistachio nut! this is alarming on both micro and macro levels. first, bradley is too slow to catch anything so he would probably starve and die in the wild looking for his stainless steel bowl filled with purina one. and in the bigger picture, we, as humans have altered the evolutionary cycle by allowing a dulled species to survive, simply based on our desire to be loved and to have companionship. domesticated dogs have only survived because humans have kept them alive. it's like a weird, parasitic relationship. same goes for cows except we proliferate their species so we can eat them. how morbid!
second issue, also starting with background: there are three categories of friends for me. the first is the (1) epidermal friend (not to be confused with an acquaintance, i don't make it a habit of engaging with people i do not intend to pursue friendship with), (2) the visceral friend and the deepest tier, (3) my soul mates (sorry that this does not fall in line with the anatomy analogy, but i do think that the deepest parts of us are triggered by something outside of the body). the people who know my guts (some in (2) and all of (3)) know that i am not a picky eater whatsoever but that i do expect for my food-related impulses to be met immediately, specifically and completely. this is extreme, i know. but that is only about 15% of the time. so, for 85% of the time, i have no preference as to where or what i eat.
unfortunately, when a (1) or some (2) friends experience the 15%, i am assumed to be like this 100 percent of the time. in addition, the social epidemic these days is to have no opinion on restaurant choice. i don't want to be a traitor to my generation but cannot acquiesce to this disease. so i am usually the one to have an opinion and because i do, it is assumed that i ALWAYS have an opinion.
mistake not, i actually don't care where or what i eat. i've eaten fried rice out of a plastic bag before.
to address the first, starting with some background: i like midnight snacks. i eat them even if i am not hungry. mostly because i like being secretive but also because i think midnight snacking is a lost art. several nights ago, i went to the kitchen and decided on marcy's pistachios. bradley knows when the middle of the night grazing occurs, as manifested by his licking of the chops as soon as i sit up. so i return and am laying in bed, curled around the four by six by three inch tupperware container that housed said nuts...and bradley is staring at me, intently. at first, i dismiss him thinking that dogs, in their history, have probably never eaten nuts, so he wouldn't even entertain the thought. but then i thought it would be an interesting experiment. i doled one out, and he sniffed around it, lifted his lips quiveringly to expose his two front teeth, and gingerly took it from me. after some rolling, licking and sniffing, he ate it. my dog ate a pistachio nut! this is alarming on both micro and macro levels. first, bradley is too slow to catch anything so he would probably starve and die in the wild looking for his stainless steel bowl filled with purina one. and in the bigger picture, we, as humans have altered the evolutionary cycle by allowing a dulled species to survive, simply based on our desire to be loved and to have companionship. domesticated dogs have only survived because humans have kept them alive. it's like a weird, parasitic relationship. same goes for cows except we proliferate their species so we can eat them. how morbid!
second issue, also starting with background: there are three categories of friends for me. the first is the (1) epidermal friend (not to be confused with an acquaintance, i don't make it a habit of engaging with people i do not intend to pursue friendship with), (2) the visceral friend and the deepest tier, (3) my soul mates (sorry that this does not fall in line with the anatomy analogy, but i do think that the deepest parts of us are triggered by something outside of the body). the people who know my guts (some in (2) and all of (3)) know that i am not a picky eater whatsoever but that i do expect for my food-related impulses to be met immediately, specifically and completely. this is extreme, i know. but that is only about 15% of the time. so, for 85% of the time, i have no preference as to where or what i eat.
unfortunately, when a (1) or some (2) friends experience the 15%, i am assumed to be like this 100 percent of the time. in addition, the social epidemic these days is to have no opinion on restaurant choice. i don't want to be a traitor to my generation but cannot acquiesce to this disease. so i am usually the one to have an opinion and because i do, it is assumed that i ALWAYS have an opinion.
mistake not, i actually don't care where or what i eat. i've eaten fried rice out of a plastic bag before.
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