the roache hotel

no child left behind

2012-02-01T19:51:00.000-08:00

child care is getting better, but this is still most days. five minutes into the car ride home, em falls asleep clutching onto jacques the peacock.

her body is teeming with hybrid vigor

2012-01-29T07:45:00.000-08:00

oh, a neighbor accidentally left a paper bag on our porch, i will just throw it away for them.
oh what's this...maybe it's an encouraging note about what great neighbors we are. oh. nope, definitely not that.
i like how officially this sad message on a paper sack was notated.

first slumber party

2012-01-28T20:17:00.000-08:00

there are many hilarious things about this little vignette below. before these photos were taken, the two of them were calmly looking at each other, heads turned towards one other. and then my child started FREAKING OUT and that's when the photographer arrived on the scene.

first do you notice how gargantuan em looks compared to the very dainty (and clearly well adjusted) lela? it doesn't help that em has outgrown this sweet little romper and it is squeezing the fat in her arms and legs. mama knows how you feel, baby girl. mama knows.
here we've got some kicking going with lela's smile becoming a little unsure, like she is a tourist in tokyo but is slowly realizing that godzilla is standing behind her.
grimacing is intensified here with some arm flailing action (she oddly straightens and spreads her fingers when she cries), and lela wondering what in the world is wrong with big kicking baby in pink next door, and can we leave so bkbipnd doesn't accidentally kick or punch me, and can we not come back until she can control herself. not sure, yes and yes.

needless to say, the slumber party only lasted for about 5 minutes.

tongue tied

2012-01-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

another new habit, tongue chewing..

future rock star

2012-01-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

..still thinks cousin is being cute..

hot potato

2012-01-25T18:34:00.000-08:00

at almost every meal, em has a very strong response to one random bite of food that i feed her. her whole body jumps, and she makes a horrible face, like i put something both scalding and disgusting in her mouth. it doesn't seem to have any long lasting effects, as she is just as eager for the next bite..

motor mouth

2012-01-18T14:01:00.000-08:00

em's new habit is totally disgusting. after a car ride of doing the motorboat, she has a puddle of saliva on her chest and her shirt it totally soaked. this new ability has extended itself into mealtime, when she is happy to exercise this new skill with a mouth full of green bean puree.

shots make babies sad

2012-01-17T17:36:00.000-08:00

today esther margaret was sneezing, congested, constipated, possibly teething, grumpy from diaper rash and feeling feverish and weird from immunizations. this is what babies look like at dinner when they've had a day like this, a very sad face covered in peaches, tears, snot and saliva.

post secret

2012-01-16T12:56:00.001-08:00

at my baby shower in may, i asked everyone to write e.m. a note on origami paper so that i could fold them into cranes and make her a mobile. my goal was to have this finished by the time she came home, but it's just now done. thanks for all of the blessings and dreams to our little girl, she will enjoy reading them when she gets older...

new year, new hobby

2012-01-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

6 months

2012-01-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

em is six months old.

she wanted to show you her new trick of lifting her head and legs at the same time. she is practicing for the presidential fitness award.
she also wanted to mark the occasion by showing you her favorite toys, the jingling keys from jdf, and the bendy ball from her emo and sam chun.

her skirt looks a bit mini, but it is regulation knee length. i had to fight for this, jeremy initially said nothing above the ankle. she's a good kid, we're excited to see what the next six months brings!

6 month stats
height: 27 (90th percentile)
weight: 16.8 (75th percentile)
head: 42cm (25th percentile)

teacher's petting zoo

2012-01-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

many kids started school/"school" yesterday, including mine. here's evan with his monkey backpack, ready for his first day..i hear his favorite parts of the day were music, p.e. and lunch. so cute!! em did not have a favorite part*, but she ate all of her carrots and spent a lot of time in the exersaucer.
*i did have a least favorite part, personally, which was the three hours prior, when i felt nauseated and kept looking at esther margaret in tears, saying, "you're smiling, but you have no idea what is about to happen...!" jeremy played mozart's marche funebre (funeral march) for the occasion. she did much, MUCH better than i expected, not too many tears and even a short nap! God bless this kid, she is so good to me.

two for one

2012-01-02T06:34:00.000-08:00

in addition to monitoring your baby, you can monitor your smoker for optimal cooking temperature.

the chemistry of love

2011-12-29T11:18:00.000-08:00

the baby stage is so short. if we've had a conversation, no doubt you know that it's not been my favorite time in life, not good expedition behavior as maf would say. but e.m. is starting to change so much, she eats solid food and even chews with her gums. she touches and handles things carefully rather than batting at them. she has teeth. she is emotional. she loves bearing weight on her legs. she is developing tiny, subtle, wonderful idiosyncrasies.

children make time palpable.

every night, i read em a book, swaddle her, turn out the lights and give her a bottle. she falls asleep. i sit and stare at her for a long while, partly because she is so very sweet when asleep but really it's just because i can. because one day she won't fit in my arms, one day she will be embarrassed of me for some reason, and one day she is going to be more comfortable in a bed than on my lap. and i can think back to the first part of her life, when, every night, i held her, smelled her hair and her breath, felt the warmth of her cheeks and watched her mouth twitch. i will remember that every night i held her, we were at peace and things were just right.

of course, most of the time, especially during naps, this is how our relationship feels:

little sprout

2011-12-29T08:47:00.000-08:00

i have been trying to get a shot of e.m.'s newly sprouted teeth for days. DAYS. she's squirmy. today, after a few tries and jeremy's help, i got one!

she suddenly had to jerk around and stare at the refrigerator that has been in the same place for four years.
and suddenly the floor is mesmerizing.
i really thought this was going to be the shot...
tada
we have also initiated the gray shirt indoctrination. you can't live in our house without a deep and enduring love of heathered gray t-shirts.

p is for pterodactyl

2011-12-28T06:48:00.000-08:00

christmas was really fun this year, it's definitely a good time with kids. the echols came over in addition to my family, so every seat was taken at the table, which i love. food was so good, and even though my dad did talk about mother korea a lot (life in the military, korean liberation day, what the death of kim jong il means to him), we had a nice time. i wasn't a comprehensive photographer, but here are a few snap shots.

this is after paul asked evan, "is cousin being cute?" his response was yes, which was demonstrated with an index finger to the cheek. em doesn't seem to like that evan thinks she's cute. oh i can't wait for them to get older and be buddies.
9:30p. yep still awake. she's hanging out with jeremy in her new swaddle, called a woombie. it allows more freedom of movement than her previous one, it's (one of) my attempt to transition her into sleeping without one.
a grain mill, my christmas present from jeremy. after the grid goes down, we will be eating apple turnovers and challah bread. what will you be eating?
i used some freshly milled flour to make this tarte tatin. believe me?

high five months

2011-12-12T13:27:00.000-08:00

esther margaret is five months old. it's been a big month!
first, she learned how to wave.
and, she can sit up on her own.
she has even learned how to stand up!
jk. she doesn't even roll yet. no teething either. we're just hanging out. she did ask me why her jeans are sandblasted, i didn't have an answer.

baby bear, baby bear, what do you see?

2011-12-06T17:44:00.000-08:00

love at first bite

2011-12-03T12:43:00.000-08:00

1 2 3 4 tell me that you love me more

2011-11-26T11:31:00.000-08:00

this is what a play date looks like when your kids are 4 months old. they don't really play, you just keep them from rolling on top of each other.

here, em is embarrassed that her whites aren't matching and her neckline is sloppy. lela is laughing because no one will ever know that her tights are connected to her skirt.
still focused..
losing momentum..em is wondering why she is still awake and is consequently about to erupt into tears, lela is sure that mom is about to feed her.
they are both close to blindness at this point from the camera flash, em still doesn't know where she is and lj is given up on eating, has substituted fingers instead.

makes my stomach go two forty six

2011-11-26T10:02:00.001-08:00

i am at the shop, and the speakers just shorted from water (moderately long and uninteresting story). i have come to rely on hearing music, even when i am alone here. now i feel awkward sitting here by myself.

more thoughts on clothes + babies + my baby.

lately esther margaret has needed to wear more clothes simply out of necessity since the weather's been colder. in addition, i have been feeling some peer pressure from friends, or should i say "friends", who will make fun of me for dressing em in her uniform. mind you, these are also the same people who make fun of me for wearing the same clothes all the time. all of the people who said that i would have the best dressed baby in town are eating their words.

so. it has caused me to think more deeply on the topic and i have some thoughts.

to recap, my kid wears this every day:
i have come to realize that babies, in general, are all sort of androgynous. i don't think less of people who put giant bows or head to toe pink on their girls, it's cute, it's just not my thing. but at the same time, i don't want to put anything on her that makes her look like a boy. ergo, my issue with pants. leggings, karate pants, fleece pants...they all make her look like a male gymnast or this korean deacon i knew growing up in dallas.

so i have avoided pants. lately i have been dressing em in some version of this and thought it was the perfect solution:
but then i started to realize that it's tedious to change her diaper with all of those snaps and then i started to get comments on why my kid is in her pajamas all day long. awesome.

i am a big fan of bundlers, but i tire of hearing jihad references from jeremy.
so i looked at my options. and then made a realization:

oh, you think your kid is wearing a ribbed turtleneck? actually, she's wearing a onesie with some extra fabric around the collar. and ps i'm pretty sure that she stole it out of sally jessie raphael's closet.
this is a white onesie, only dyed pink with rosettes sewn on it.
ditto, minus rosettes, plus screen printing.
pajamas are even more contrived. they're just like daytime clothes but match a little more.

i mean, how would you like it if someone made you wear a matching bunny/winter themed outfit?
my point is that they're all the same. even if i dress claire up as a tiger or marshmallow or a race car driver, she's still a dachshund.

radio in my head

2011-11-19T09:02:00.000-08:00

i feel like i am hallucinating!!
the hair on my arms has been standing up for almost two hours.

i am listening to radiohead's "lost" album, called 01 and 10. apparently, ok computer and in rainbows were made to complement each other like the binary digits 01 and 10 (i can't explain this to you, but i confirmed that they do.). thom yorke dropped hints by releasing in rainbows 10 years after ok computer on october 10 and releasing cryptic messages all involving the roman numeral X. clearly i missed all of this since in rainbows was released four years ago and i am just now catching up. i am a radiohead loyalist for sure, but not "that" kind. anyway i read that it took a couple of years for anyone to even notice or suspect anything. if you piece together the albums, song by song, it creates one seamless album (using a 3-5 second overlap makes it even better). WHAT?!? and it's not just the tempos or key signatures or architecture of the songs, even the themes of lyrics flow seamlessly. YES!!!

1 airbag (ok computer)
2 15 step (in rainbows)
3 paranoid android (ok computer)
4 bodysnatchers (in rainbows)
5 subterranean homesick alien (ok computer)
6 nude (in rainbows)
7 exit music (for a film) (ok computer)
8 weird fishes/arpeggi (in rainbows)
9 let down (ok computer)
10 all i need (in rainbows)
11 karma police (ok computer)
12 fitter happier (ok computer)
13 faust arp (in rainbows)
14 electioneering (ok computer)
15 reckoner (in rainbows)
16 climbing up the walls (ok computer)
17 house of cards (in rainbows)
18 no surprises (ok computer)
19 jigsaw falling into place (in rainbows)
20 lucky (ok computer)
21 videotape (in rainbows)
22 the tourist (ok computer)

(what is going on in my brain?? why do i keep having the urge to throw up??! my eyes won't shut!! i can't get any words out of my mouth.)

i refuse to geek out so i won't go into all of the specifics, but the listening experience is religious and painfully heart pounding, especially if you have a fondness for either/both albums.

on a side note, i'm pretty sure "young people" think of radiohead in the same way that i think of the rolling stones or the beach boys*.

*the exception here is that hipsters like to claim that they love the beach boys, but i am only including those who listen to it outside of the ironic value.

dressed to quell

2011-11-15T18:35:00.001-08:00

i don't know why i still can't seem to put "normal" clothes on e.m. we're still going strong with the white lap shoulder onesies. we've relinquished the muscle tee onesie (my absolute but unexpected favorite this summer) and are now wearing short and long sleeve, depending on the day. sometimes i add in white baby legs if it's chilly, other times robeez. she has a couple of sweaters and hoodies but it looks so weird to me that i immediately take them off. even socks don't look right.

i noticed in the pediatrician's office on monday that even newborns were wearing entire non-baby baby outfits, like elastic waist sweatpants that look like jeans, message tees, hats...i couldn't get over it.

maybe i can't dress my kid because she doesn't have much of a personality yet. it also makes her look older and it doesn't seem right that a 4 month old baby is dressed like a second grader. in addition, too many baby outfits look like costumes. and lastly, what's the use of putting on all of those clothes when you sleep 17 hours out of 24? it's like people i knew in college who dressed up on sunday mornings just to skip church and go to lunch. i may have done it a couple of times around the same time when i was trying to fake a texas accent.

meh. i guess jeremy and i are like that, we wear a virtual uniform every day of t shirts, jeans and rubber soled shoes unless there's a good reason to get dressed up. the echols are not in-betweeners.

i have gotten on board with the occasional hairband, which i think are pretty cute.

four months

2011-11-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

esther margaret is four months old. it's amazing that we've been able to keep a helpless human alive for this long! you think i'm kidding but it really is amazing.

her schedule (not to be ostentatious, just so i have it recorded): wakes 730-800, eats and plays for about an hour and takes a nap for about 2.5 hours. i usually wake her up between 11-1130 and eats and plays again until 1200-1230p. she takes another big nap for 2-2.5 hours and usually wakes up on her own around at 230-300. in the perfect world, she would take a another nap around 430 to tide her over until bed time. she has never liked that third nap but will usually take one for 30-45 minutes. dr. weissbluth would call eme a "consolidated sleeper". she goes down for the night at 630p. late at night, at some point between 1030 and midnight, jse gives her a bottle without waking her. i do believe this is one of the keys to teaching your kid to sleep through the night, but i can't say for sure because i can't 1. duplicate her 2. turn back time 3. control all variables in order to make an empirical statement. at the least, i think it helps.

she is an all or nothing sleeper and the same goes with her eating. if she is not hungry, she will not, under any circumstances, be persuaded to eat. right now, if i try and feed her in under a 3.5 hr interval, she will clamp her mouth shut and wiggle around until i give up, which i do after 15 minutes or so. i used to freak out if she didn't eat but she is clearly (clearly) growing and gaining weight so i have stopped sweating it.

her pediatrician said that she's not quite ready for solid food, he'd like to see her eat about 7-8oz per feeding before we start (em usually goes for 5-6). he said some kids never get there, and if she still doesn't within a month, to go ahead and start if i want.

she's holding her head up pretty well and acting like she wants to start moving...

four month stats:
length: 25.5in (90th percentile)
weight: 14.7lbs (85th percentile)
head: 40cm (25th percentile)

stranger than fiction

2011-11-08T11:51:00.001-08:00

e.m. has stranger anxiety.

sometimes it takes her a minute to spool up but when people other than jse and i are around, if someone tries to hold or gets in esther margaret's face, she will start screaming/crying at some point and not stop until she is back with mom or dad (this condition is likely to be exacerbated when she is in childcare starting in january).

this developmental stage is a subset of separation anxiety, which is a part of learning object permanence - things continue to exist even when we can't see them. can you imagine if someone never learned this? you'd always be saying "oh my gosh, great to see you, i thought i'd never see you again!!" every time someone went to the restroom and came back. if someone you really liked said they were going to step out to take a phone call, you'd likely beg them not to leave..

what a weird world that would be..

snow cone

2011-11-06T07:47:00.001-08:00

yep.

9-9-9

2011-11-06T07:28:00.000-08:00

why is a dangerous question to ask when it comes to babies. partly because they can’t give you an answer but mostly because there is a definitive answer to all of the frustrating, inconsistent things that they do but many times only, and literally, God will ever know.

i always think that if i could only figure out the why to whatever is making her cry, waking her up in the middle of a nap, making her refuse to eat, i could fix it…but trying to answer why is a rabbit hole, and i’m beginning to think the question, itself, is far less important than i wish it were. sometimes i think that when i constantly ask “why”, it is an indication of my unwillingness to accept reality and an attempt to conquer and change my circumstances.

i’ve noticed that jse doesn’t ask why nearly as much as i do, in regard to our sweet child. and consequently, he is frustrated much less (he is also, constitutionally, more relaxed about her than me). his reaction, when e.m. is out of sorts, seems to be closer to “what now”, which i think is a great perspective and one which i will try and adopt.

thanks for the cute onesie, mikey..!!

my morning jacket

2011-10-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

esther margaret sleeps for nearly 13 hours at night. i take no credit for this, she just loves her sleep. other than wiggling out of her swaddle and waking herself, she has never woken up on her own. every morning, i wake her, unwrap her and wait for her to smile. it's just a flash, even a little bashful, and i love it..watch for it at 32 sec (couldn't post the other video, it exceeded the size limit). at 23 sec there's another special morning noise she makes..

rickshaw pusher

2011-10-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

esther margaret's favorite part of the day..

out of sorts

2011-10-24T18:48:00.001-07:00

my weiner dog just ate a hot dog. that makes me feel weird.

a leg up

2011-10-09T19:19:00.001-07:00

em tried something new this weekend, she wore a skirt.

look at those knees.
and look at that face!

fight club

2011-10-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

yesterday morning, esther margaret woke up with this self-inflicted scratch, her first wound in life.
so we decided to cut her nails, and jeremy accidentally clipped the skin on her thumb. second wound.
because of that, we were running late and i set a tupperware with hot rice on her knee. an asian chick burns her kid with rice, how cliche. wound three.
it's a tough life. here she is in happier times, with her cousin eating burgers in austin.

thighmaster

2011-09-30T13:42:00.000-07:00

we're eating well.

and when you do talk, you'll be talking to me

2011-09-29T12:58:00.000-07:00

this video will not be interesting to most of you because nothing happens. just some smiling and cooing..but she doesn't do it a lot yet, so i wanted to capture it. if you haven't yet heard her voice, it's pretty cute.

in the closet

2011-09-29T11:53:00.000-07:00

some of you have asked how esther margaret is doing at the store. we struggled for a bit and then found a great solution..

the pied pipecleaner

2011-09-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

if you haven't seen this little nugget in a while, here she is.
i am very confused as to how e.m. gets dirty finger nails. if i put her in the flowerbeds to feed her or if we had pet pigs or she even used her hands at all, i would understand. but she doesn't. nary a finger even goes near her mouth. the only parts this kid actively uses are her mouth and her booty.
even in her toenails are grungy. sad and sick.
*yd get my camera out of panoramic mode please.

say chez

2011-09-13T11:26:00.000-07:00

e.m. is two months old. still does mostly this. i feel like i should cut a hole in her boppy to hold a can of bud light.
two month stats:
23.75 in long - 90th percentile
12.7 lbs - 90th percentile
38.5 cm head circumference - 50th percentile

the nurse measured her head twice because she thought she made a mistake because it grew so much. after she was weighed, the term "big girl" was thrown around. meh. she did not love immunization shots.

meanwhile..

evan still does mostly this. we met at salt lick in austin for lunch on labor day. he's still so cute that i can't look at him for long periods of time.
we're smiling! jse entertains her the most, but i can usually get a smile or two.
jse thinks this outfit looks a bit jihad-chic.
..possibly even resembling what may have been the burial clothes of osama bin laden. on that note, yd has threatened to water board e.m. with milk next time she refuses to take a bottle from him.
and another but last terrorist/violence related note, jse surprised me on saturday with a gift, a ruger 10/22 rifle. every guy i have told gets a glossy, sentimental look on his face. jse said it was the first gun he ever fired. it is my first too. i sort of look androgynous or at least like i really love softball. meh.
we promptly went to a shooting range (sans baby girl) where i almost had a psychological meltdown, and then i fired a gun for the first time ever. i wanted to get a photo of me shooting at the range but everyone seemed very serious and i didn't want to be "that girl". this is my sheet which jse posted on the refrigerator.
i don't love guns but think it's good to know how to shoot one.

rock and sushi roll

2011-09-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

for my dad's birthday a few weeks ago, we went to mikado in austin to eat sushi. it was esther margaret's first trip out of town and she did great.
evan was still not a huge fan of em, especially when it meant that his mom's attention was diverted away from him. they have since worked through their differences.

tapping out

2011-09-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

jse (hornfrog) and i (bear) went to the baylor v tcu game last night. we had great seats, the temperature was sweltering and the game was very exciting. esther margaret missed the action, she is not immunized yet and anyway, she does not love funnel cake. i hadn't been to a football game in a long time, and consequently noticed things i didn't take the time to notice before. like the variety of ways to wear team colors, the chants and the food.

and also common to many sporting events, t-shirts are thrown into the crowd.
i have never lunged for one but i've never been a hanes beefy tee kind of gal (maybe a phase). i thought about what i would jump/lunge/punch/brawl with someone for.

1. esther margaret. if my child were being thrown into the crowd, i would, indeed, lunge/maim/kill, to be the one to catch her. unless it was jeremy. (i know it goes without saying, but had to say it. like at youth church camp of what you would choose if you could only keep one tangible possession for the rest of your life. the bible. or your hero. jesus. or your favorite part of the day. prayer. in college this stays exactly the same but you preface with "i know this sounds really cheesy, but..")
2. the love bracelet from cartier. would lunge for the platinum/white gold, punch someone (hard) for the yellow gold and brawl for the rose gold.
3. any first edition books or lectures by jane austen, rw emerson or ernest hemingway (or jack kerouac. jk. whatever. do i look a hipster?)

4. this rick owens shearling jacket from fall 2004. if the dress was included i would consider doing something harsh enough to be put in jail for a few days.

5. gold coins

where oh where

2011-08-28T15:08:00.000-07:00

i feel weird that i take my kid places without socks or shoes. but i feel equally weird about her wearing them. it seems appropriate that she have something on her feet, but then she doesn't do anything with her feet except for kick me when she's tired of eating, and you don't need socks or shoes for that.

here she is at her very first party this weekend, she almost showed up wearing the same dress as another baby. she felt relieved that she followed her instincts.
she kind of looks like an aboriginal baby from the knees down.
(instagram courtesy l swartz)

heir today, gone tomorrow

2011-08-26T08:07:00.000-07:00

i've been using this.

but it's been turning out like this.

so then i added this...
this...
this...
and this...
and now i look like this.
back to the drawing board.

fortunate cookie

2011-08-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

: (
: )

connect the dots

2011-08-16T15:09:00.001-07:00

esther margaret is a long skinny kid. and because of this (as luck would have it) everything is ill fitting. if you know me even a little bit, you know that i don't care very much about prints or embellishment or even draping (maybe i care about color every great once in a while). i only care about fit (and fabric, which i will confidently lump into fit). every time i put a dress, shirt or onesie on our little dear one, i expect it to fit well - great. but it doesn't, and actually every time i put something on her she's worn before, it fits worse than the previous time. i feel sorry for her but her adorable face makes up for any wardrobe mayhem.

here is a rundown of the major problem areas:
1. because she is so long, the first priority is putting her in a onesie that is long enough. however, she is longer than an 8-14 pound infant, according to gerber, and so the fabric pulls down when the neck line should be more linear, along the collar bone.

2. the point of the lap shoulder (in my opinion) is to assist in fitting an infants head through, which is proportionately huge compared to the rest of their bodies. since i guess she is as long but not as broad as a 8-14 pounder, the shoulders are baggy.

3. the fit of sleeves should be intentional; fitted, standard or blouson. these sleeves fall into a gray area between standard and blouson, which makes her look a little sloppy.

4. striations in the fabric, she's too skinny to fill out the body cavity.

5. refer to #1 but upside down. add fabric pulling at snaps.

6. leg holes are too low, causing bunching. if she were an adult, she would complain that it made her legs look short.

ps. maybe i'm asking too much of a 2.50$ onesie.
pps. this reminds me of a rumor i used to hear about sororities having secret meetings where they took pictures of pledges and drew circles around their "problem areas". fess up!

at the produce aisle

2011-08-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

to boot, two boots

2011-08-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

a few things have changed since em was born, aside from the regular things like not sleeping, having giant veiny boobs, living on a 3 hour schedule and feeling the pressure of caring for a tiny human.

1 i cut up all of my food before consuming. i eat dinner pretty close to her mealtime so i end up trying to eat as quickly and efficiently as possible. i feel a little embarrassed but by that time i am also likely exposing a boob or attached to a pump. what's bite sized food?

2 i sometimes have to carry her with one arm and end up holding her like women do in third world countries, sort of slung on the hip but supporting her head at the same time. it's very national geographic but not in a good way.

3 i have always loved maria, who cleans our house, but love her with elevendy billion times the passion and attachment than i did before. i try to keep her here longer with snacks and baby tricks (weird faces em makes when she is gassy).

4 i have become the girl who wears workout clothes but does not work out. this has become a necessity as i don't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes yet, but it's still embarrassing. i don't remember people asking me if i had just worked out before when wearing workout gear. maybe the difference is that now i look like i need to work out so people ask in hopeful optimism. i have never been more jealous of buttons and zippers.

you know it ain't fiction

2011-08-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

sad, em has already grown out of her first set of clothes.
funny, evan's hair after being in a hot car.

bird on a wire

2011-08-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

esther margaret gives me the finger all the time. usually it is when she is nursing (which explains the lack of photographic evidence, but you can verify with jse). it is funny except:

1. at 3am, when she is crying and wants to eat but can't calm down enough to focus, and then she gives me the finger, it makes me a little suspicious.

2. at 1030 when i've been trying to keep her awake long enough to get a full tummy, and i finally give up and see her middle finger creep up, i imagine her saying "esther margaret 1, mom, 0, take that bro."

lucky for both of us, she is extremely cute, even when she is giving me the tiny little bird.

au revoir les enfants

2011-08-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

today em put a special dress on to see some very special people.

the flemings are moving to oklahoma tomorrow. it's been coming for a while but their house is now empty so i am forced to believe it's actually happening.

looks like em is about as photogenic as her mother.
good dear friends are one of the only things in life worth having.

swartz #4

2011-08-04T07:32:00.001-07:00

welcome to life on the outside, lela june...!
made me feel like my 3 week old kid was 3 years old...

currently...

2011-07-31T09:27:00.001-07:00

...wondering what she did to deserve acne 14 years ahead of time...

twinkle toes

2011-07-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

jse says that maggie has legs like benjamin button. pretty cute how she's trying to point her toes.

it ain't easy being green

2011-07-28T18:22:00.000-07:00

i would like to post pictures, but esther margaret doesn't actually do anything. these were taken for the five minutes (likely the only five minutes in the last 48 hours) she was awake today.

bright eyes

2011-07-24T18:14:00.001-07:00

a bath, after i almost drowned her with breast milk. good sport, em.

these days, they are a burning

2011-07-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

esther margaret is 11 days old. it's been 14 days since i've had a good night's sleep. 16 days since i swore that she was going to be a thanksgiving baby. 29 days since jse and i got married. but life now seems like it's always been just like this.

some notes.

she still looks like a chinese chuckie doll when she opens her eyes. here she is with yd.
i celebrated my 33rd birthday this past week, my whole family came to celebrate...

i live life on a three hour schedule. time used to have a relative quality to it, these days it is very absolute. lucky for me, em is a great sleeper. but it's so hard to wake her up to eat. we press cold soda cans on her legs or strip her down and rub her with cold baby lotion to torture her and can usually get a few minutes of eating. at this point, she'd never make it in the wild. i guess she'll have to come to survival school with me someday. here she is after i asked her to fold laundry, of course she fell asleep on the job.
jse: "she's like a baby monkey but more beautiful"

simon says

2011-07-16T10:28:00.001-07:00

debutant

2011-07-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

here's the story.

i felt real contractions at 3:15 tuesday (jul12) morning, and while getting ready to go to the hospital, my water broke at 9:30. by the time we arrived at the hospital, i was dilated to a 5cm, 75% effaced (percentage that the cervix has thinned) and esther margaret was at a 0 station (head in line with my pelvis). painful but bearable, a good place to be.

as i was being checked in, the lady in the bed next to me sounded like what jse described as "a bear fighting a tiger". made me nervous but felt undeterred in having an unmedicated labor. within two hours, i was dilated to a 7cm, a +1 station and almost 100% effaced. it was terrifically painful, but with the goal so close, i could bear it.

however.

an hour later, i was in the same place and she hadn't moved.

another hour later, i was still stalled.

and another (if you are counting, 15 hours have elapsed).

(skip feeling of complete defeat, expletives, cursing womankind, my unborn child, hearing the aforementioned bear/tiger woman screaming in the next room...)

enter epidural, oxytocin...magic! i almost leapt out of the stirrups to kiss the anesthesiologist on the lips.

two hours and 5 pushes later...

esther margaret was born at 8:22p, weighing 7lb 13oz, 22in long, perfect.

this is after the epidural was administered. any pictures before this point would involve me grimacing or showcasing my middle finger.
first cry
weighed in
first family photo (don't mind the inappropriate shot of my leg still in the stirrup, gross, sick, but too tired to photoshop, sorry)
sweet swollen face
napping with daddy

we had many many visitors, including:

margaret and jerry with grandchild #2
jojo and ella
fischer and kristi
paul, kristine and cousin evan
getting ready to go home (i internalized a meltdown at this point, when i realized there was no return policy)
first nap at home
*a very special thanks to the midwives and nurse mimi, who made the long, difficult but wonderful labor and delivery the best possible experience...

i will follow you into the dark

2011-07-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

muffin sr. driving his tractor across waco drive during rush hour (correction: "rush hour"). pretty sure he made a rolling stop, but who's counting...

toats my goats

2011-06-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

this is claire quietly crying out for help.
it's true, i haven't fed her since sunday. but it's because on monday, she ate an entire loaf of bread. tuesday, she ate half a box of pecan sandies. there is nothing left to eat unless between now and meal time tonight, she develops a taste for candles, upholstery or wood.

i'm not sure what she's carb loading for, but this emotional eating has got to stop.

may showers

2011-06-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

i had a baby shower in may, thrown by women in my life who i look up to, aspire to be like, who i am lucky enough to count as friends and maternal figures in my life. it was really gorgeous, fun and delicious!

three of the six hosts, melinda, betty and mary lacy

margaret, me (wearing what jse has since termed the "hawaiian mennonite dress"), kristine
lesley, dawn, joanna, kristi
nancy, blaire and a room full of friends

mr mom

2011-06-26T20:47:00.001-07:00

...it could be worse...

evan almighty

2011-06-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

opening ceremony

2011-06-26T20:19:00.001-07:00

from guns to hotdogs

2011-06-15T20:07:00.001-07:00

it took me...a while...to figure out how to use one of these baby bjorns, here is the first test run with my original baby.

middle name: danger

2011-06-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

when you look at the above photo, do you feel that it's:

a: disturbing
b: classy
c: funny
d: comforting
e: progressive, timely

mr wendal

2011-06-09T08:18:00.001-07:00

this was me last summer, i was in maine with marcy, jeremy and a couple of his friends. it seemed like a different lifetime, i guess it was. part of me wishes i was there again, that i was skinny, that i was wearing pants that button, that i was thinking of what could possibly happen in the future. i am, of course, so excited for the very quickly approaching future, but that was a good summer and a good trip.

the new republic

2011-05-31T18:51:00.000-07:00

claire and winnie got into a fight. now she has this.
the night before jse and i left for philadelphia, i walked out to feed the dogs. the dogs were very excited to eat, as most dogs are, and winnie took off in the direction of the food. claire didn't like this and ran after winnie trying to subdue her. in the past, winnie has always calmed down when claire gets into her face but since the other dogs have moved in, the chemistry has changed.

winnie growled back. then they started fighting. the other dogs were watching intently (given one vulnerable dog, the surrounding dogs will also attack, says jse). i couldn't do much, since my agility has been severely handicapped due to my pregnancy. several times, winnie had claire on her back by the throat; i really thought i was about to watch my own dog get killed. i did what i could and finally jeremy, who was inside watching fox news, heard and came out to separate them.

claire was covered in blood. at first she wouldn't even let me touch her, and then after a while i examined her and found a gaping wound larger than a half dollar on her shoulder. jeremy came in and produced a black box, twice the size of one used for fishing tackle, and opened it to reveal an assortment of syringes, tools and vials of medication. she was too small for cattle tranquilizer, so he told me to hold her down so he could clean the wound. i tried, but was so traumatized i couldn't stop shaking and was of no use.

finally, jeremy's dad came over and held her down while jeremy scrubbed and sutured the wound, i have never heard a dog scream like that. i was in my room in the fetal position trying to distract myself by watching rachel zoe on youtube.

it was really terrible but i guess no matter how many human characteristics we assign to dogs, they're still dogs and are actually not human or human-like at all.

"do i really look like i could piss off another dog?" (the answer is yes, absolutely, most definitely)
i waited until now to post because the pictures were pretty gnarly and i like to keep this blog family-friendly.

hap hazard

2011-05-31T18:26:00.000-07:00

today i had to park much farther away than my usual spot behind the shop. in the middle of the day, someone called and needed some information that was in a document i had left in the car. i promised to call back in three minutes. then i realized i was parked far away. i tried running, except that i was extremely slow and out of breath after about eight seconds. i kept going. then i caught my reflection in a window, and realized that i was running slower than many people walk and also that i looked like a hazard waiting to happen. so i slowed down. at least i got in a work out today.

lucky number 33

2011-05-28T11:56:00.000-07:00

this morning, i put on my favorite camisole that i've enjoyed throughout my whole pregnancy only to discover that it now fits like a wet suit. i guess it's about that time where i transition from "oh, look at that cute pregnant belly" to "whoa that girl looks like she's about to pop". at the shop this morning i even got a few raised eyebrows.

that was the backyard...

2011-05-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

...and today in the front yard, this...

business as usual

2011-05-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

i looked out my kitchen window on friday and saw this.
in addition to this giant animal standing around in the driveway, muneca kept trying to herd it by running circles around it and nipping at his knees, but really the horse had been standing still for ten minutes. and then there's winnie in the background, whose self affliction and low self esteem are pervasive even into her private activities. the best is that my little peanut nephew tried to touch the horse, chicken pox has made him brave.

32 weeks

2011-05-20T08:11:00.001-07:00

my butt is disappearing. the growth of my backfat and love handles is outpacing the growth of my butt. the shift in silhouette is alarming, but not unexpected.

to sleep perchance to dream

2011-05-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

i am not good about taking pictures unless i really think about it. our weekend trip was not a time where i thought about it very much, unfortunately. however there are some highlights worth mentioning.

philadelphia is a really pretty/cool city, maybe the most historically important city in the US. the old world-styled hotel where we stayed reminded me of a henry james/edith wharton novel. we saw ben franklin's house and grave (he is jeremy's hero), as well as walking around independence hall and the liberty bell. then we went to the barnes foundation, to see the biggest and most valuable impressionist-early modern collection in the world. it is being moved to the philadelphia museum of art next year (surrounded with a good amount of controversy), and we wanted to see it in its original housing. the art was moving, provoking and mesmerizing, i can't stop thinking about van gogh's postman. a scientific mind can love and enjoy art as much as an emotive one.

then to pat's king of steaks to experience the philly cheesesteak..it was raining outside, and yet the line wrapped around the building. 45 minutes later, a bite into philadelphia icon. well, it was awful, unfortunately, tasted like boiled meat and onions on bread.

that evening, we took the amtrak to new york and on arrival to our hotel, we saw camera crews parked outside the sofitel (across the street from where we stayed), where the IMF chief, dominique strauss-kahn, allegedly assaulted and raped a maid who worked there.

the next morning, we met up with ruth at sarabeth's for tasty brunch and then saw the alexander mcqueen retrospective at the met. it was amazing and comprehensive, i was moved to tears a couple of times, but the crowd was unimaginable so i didn't get to see everything i wanted. a kimono inspired dress and the one below were a couple of my favorites.

then to lincoln center to see a ballet, which was really beautiful, and dinner at hundred acres with aleen.

we had so much fun, and i am glad for such a memorable trip, as i'll be out of the traveling mode for a while..

locked and loaded

2011-05-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

lately jeremy has been reading an apocalyptic novel about the imminent economic collapse of america. because he is a touch passionate about such things, he's decided that i need to go to a two day workshop to learn how to survive in anarchy/the woods/chaos. this is how he looked when i got home (the topsiders and plaid shorts make the guns look less scary). i haven't agreed to it, but am curious as to the types of people who attend "survival school".

happy birthday, chubbs

2011-05-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

you've grown so much in a year..
..and your prosthetic arm gets cuter every time i see you..

making the most of it

2011-05-10T14:46:00.001-07:00

nephew's head has gone from the 20th percentile to the 15th. we were talking about how small that makes his nose. his nose is definitely small for his face, so if his head is in the 15th percentile, his nose must be in the .001 percentile. can you imagine if his head was in the 90th percentile and his nose really was still that little? that would be hard on his social life. he is perfect the way he is, but if you put nerds up his nose he would suffocate.

the word on the street

2011-05-10T07:06:00.001-07:00

i hear that this is going to happen to me soon, sad. i hope the person isn't smiling like this or wearing a shoulder length plastic pink glove.

if only

2011-05-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

right now, the only way i can get a deep breath is if i yawn. it's become a major impediment today because i can't breathe while i'm explaining things to customers. and then i yawn and it sends the wrong message.

also i realized that in the hierarchy of people who get special treatment, elderly men still outweigh pregnant women. today i was going into a restaurant to get my lunch and an 80 something year old man and i stood at the door, he was on the inside, i was on the outside, and it was a test of will. i lost and opened the door for him. he didn't say thank you, he may have even tried to trip me.

yesterday the only thing i wanted in the world was to have a summer like baby in dirty dancing. high waisted bermuda denim shorts, eyelet tops, printed cardigans, keds without socks. volleyball on the lawn, talent show, the whole thing.

and then i realized, oh yes, i am shaped more like an eggplant than a human right now and jeremy does not like jazz shoes or feathered hair. now that that episode is behind me, i have become more realistic and just want a summer free of rashes and cankles.

here's to the next 30 years..

2011-04-30T10:31:00.001-07:00

lots of gravy

2011-04-25T20:03:00.001-07:00

look at this little biscuit, he's so cute. i can't believe his birthday is coming up, i guess he probably doesn't know. on my first birthday, i grabbed the flame of my birthday candle and freaked out.

good bye, old paint

2011-04-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

the v dub sold today, i am happy but my days of zipping around town are over. i am now in the era of the turbo lag. it is likely she will be the only car that i own for the next 80 years if it is true that mercedes diesel engines can run for 1million miles. here's to hoping i live until i'm 112. maybe maggie will want to drive it.

men at kraftwerk

2011-04-25T15:26:00.001-07:00

carpet pulled up and floors refinished..they will be sealed and the trim re-painted later in the week..my official stance is "no" on new home projects.

doppelganger

2011-04-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

yd said yesterday that when jeremy's hair is grown out, he looks just like matthew goode in the movie leap year.
and i can see the resemblance. this is us after jeremy says something mean to me.
this is us talking about fashion.
this is right before he admits that i'm right about something.
while we're on the topic, the swartz fam thinks that jeremy looks like burt reynolds in deliverance.

like twins.
jk, here he is..

i'm the motherflippin'

2011-04-15T06:16:00.000-07:00

the garage/workshop is complete (we couldn't get the door in black, isn't that the weirdest? the closest they offered was "bronze", which i am forced to assume that they have more requests for than black??). we might paint, but really, it's just a garage door.
inside
jse has been out of town this week working cows and this one hasn't quite known what to do with her peeps away. chasing squirrels is so much more fun in a pack. she's reverted back to her >36 in circumference around me. little needy.

week ending in 26

2011-04-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

a few notes from week 26.

1. the talk of the town this week (4 people) is what eye color our little love will have. using a eye color calculator i found online, eme has an 86.3% chance of having brown eyes, an 8.5% chance of having green eyes and a 5.1% chance of having blue eyes. here is a link to the calculator if you want to try it!

2. my dad told me that at 7am on saturday, god gave him the korean name for sweet girl: eun hae, which translates to the grace from god.

3. my spatial reasoning skills have not started to recalibrate with my increase in girth and mass. i still believe i can fit through spaces that i could pre-pregnancy. this has resulted in a lot of forward-reverse-forward and forward-reverse-around motions.

4. my belly button has almost disappeared. if it was my nostril, i would be very close to the point of suffocation.

and since i feel pressure to have pictures included with every post:

here is amy at george's (the big o does not belong to me)
and winnie peeing in the snow

i like to rock the party

2011-04-04T20:09:00.000-07:00

evan lane - unibrow fuzz, tiny nose, cheeky grin all still intact. today he sort of looked like he was wearing lip gloss.

a bow tie and a skittish dog

2011-04-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

message in a tiny bottle

2011-04-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

while digging, jeremy found this bottle and proclaimed it the smallest bottle ever.
look at its size compared to my phone.
even claire, who is not taller than anything, dwarfs it.
this tiny bottle could not hold even one vitamin.
i would likely step on a bottle this size, hopefully it didn't used to carry a magical elixir.
all in all, my empirical testing tells me that it is indeed a very tiny bottle. if you told me that you had one smaller, i would have to see it to believe it.

part 3 or 4, maybe 3.5

2011-04-04T08:22:00.000-07:00

new fence and wall up this week, lots of digging, some painting..only wiring, dry wall and a door left to install!

spring hibernation

2011-03-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

tonight i switched out closet from fall/winter to spring/summer. while doing that, i realized that many of my spring/summer clothes would not work this year. so i packed those away too. usually, one plastic bin is enough, but now i'm not so sure. this pile looks smaller than it is.
these are all the clothes left that i hope to be able to wear this spring (in addition to tshirts and the two blazers on the opposite side of the closet). there will be a few more dresses and skirts. i have surrendered to the idea that i will not wear another pair of pants for the next six months. this makes me sad because i am a pants kind of girl.
in addition, i have started the maniacal habit of wearing things now that i don't think i'll be able to wear in a matter of weeks. in contrast to my livelihood, i don't care very much about clothing. to rephrase, i guess don't care to have very many clothes but am attached to the things i do have. a few times this past week, i changed my outfit twice in a day. usually, jse thinks this habit is funny and cute, but when i've crossed the line and my clothes look like sausage casing, he will look at me up and down and say that it's time to "temporarily retire that".

garage renovation pt 2

2011-03-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

this week, garage renovations continued. jeremy and his guys installed the siding, ceiling and windows. next week, electricity, sheet rock, painting and a very special jse creation, carriage doors.

here's part one:
http://roachehotel.blogspot.com/2010/12/garage-renovation-pt-1.html

"it's not always fun"

2011-03-16T05:28:00.000-07:00

during the viewing of the final rose ceremony, two girls had the runs, one girl had to change clothes, and everyone fit into the category of what dgh would call "stress eating". it was a little intense, even though the final rose was no big surprise.

first i would like to say that while emily's punctuated childhood romance is very terrible and sad, it makes for an AWESOME story. instant tears, unyielding empathy, makes you want to empty your pockets, donate your organs, bank account, heart, all to her. jse clarified that "ricky tick" comes from "rikki tikki tavi", which is a childhood story i must have missed because i was busy at orchestra practice. or math camp. or day dreaming about what my white friends were doing.

chantal officially scraped the bottom of the style bucket this week - a backless top to meet parents? layering a crumpled grayish white camisole underneath does not make you modest. it is like trying to enter go to church in a string bikini (in her case, crocheted) with a cardigan on top. man, i would have preferred the green burnout tee to that.

however i did love the dress chantal wore to the final rose ceremony. wouldn't you give a rose to her?

by their final date, channy channy sniffed out that brad has never reciprocated any of her feelings toward him. so to be memorable, she picks out an even shorter pair of shorts, duct tapes her boobs together and swims with sharks to prove her love. did you know that you can buy map colors in africa? you can. and you can find tracing paper and maps too. and if you ever want a boy to fall in love with you, draw him a map of every location where you've kissed. and if he doesn't tell you he loves you, he will at least give you an awesome nickname.

on brad and emily's date, the two things that she seemed most concerned about were 1. whether brad was ready to be a father and 2. fighting to keep the part in her hair perfect amid the tornado that was apparently breeching cape town. that conversation was rough. at one point, i thought she would admit that no one can ever quite be prepared for what it will be like to parent, but she didn't and instead brought up being sick at 3am or going to the emergency room. nice. emily was definitely poking the bear.

the rose ceremony was sad if your name was chantal. she kept glancing at the rose which made me wonder if she was going to grab it and make a run for it. she didn't. she and her feathers and taped boobs got back into the "coming to america" limo with poise. good moment. and the fairy tale engagement between brad and emily was pretty perfect and romantic...

...and then the after show was a complete disaster. worse than when jessica simpson became a size 8.

i have championed brad's cause (therapy) all season. however, the way he handled chantal at the show left a lot to be desired. i think being verbally attacked by emily every tuesday morning for the last two months has beaten the guy down. even though brad knew that emily was the one he wanted, i think pursuing someone totally opposite of her gave him the confirmation and contrast he needed, especially over an abbreviated length of time. and more importantly, he really did have a connection and comfort with chantal that he didn't (and from the looks of it, still doesn't) have with emily. it seemed like chantal was just looking for confirmation that her intuition was right, that they did share something deep and important, and brad couldn't admit that. instead he says "come here", holds her and kisses her on the forehead. good move, brad.

i did love when brad brought up that chantal had a new man in her life. her tears immediately evaporated and she proclaims that after 2.6 days, he has taught her that she can love again. that he is everything she has been looking for. that he shows his commitment by eating as many burritos as she does.

the interview with brad and emily was rough. emily had what i like to call "empty eyes", like tom cruise. they smile and say nice stuff but their eyes are dead. emily said she loved brad and that she was hopeful about their future, but i felt as if you could finish all of her sentences with "..but he's not ricky." sad.

they're trying to have a normal relationship with very abnormal circumstances. all of the turmoil is understandable. maybe, hopefully, they'll find a happy place. i'd like to see their toothy, blonde children.

evan's new ride

2011-03-11T12:13:00.001-08:00

hold on tight, little buddy
happy kiddo.

last man standing

2011-03-09T12:17:00.001-08:00

i feel a little "pressured" to write an entry on the bachelor: women tell all (one person is an albino and the other is a milk factory) even though i don't have much to say. i usually don't give into peer pressure but it's sunny outside. why not.

maybe i don't have much to say because michelle's reptilian tongue was a HUGE distraction, i wanted to ask chris harrison to give the girl some carmex. other distractions included shots of britt's hands, which i wondered if shawntel embalmed pre-show, ashley's jaundice spray tan and alli's greasy bangs.

it was strange that women who never made it past the first rose ceremony had such a strong opinion on things while shawntel, who was part of the final four, did not speak the whole two hours. jackie seemed to be the leader of the pack, her forehead and under bite seemed to become more pronounced with every verbal dagger she threw at michelle. i started imagining her dragging a club behind her. then i imagined if brad and jackie were a cro magnon caveman couple.

at some point in the show, michelle woke up from amnesia and remembered that she had a daughter. probably because she realized that she was wearing her daughter's heart print tank top.

i wish ashley would realize that things with brad didn't work out because she made no indication that she was willing to move to austin, not because she and brad spent so much time "reassuring" each other.

brad did a great job, although it's alarming to me that he has become the man on a pedestal for a lot of these women. because truthfully, botox + creatine + purple going out shirt + neutering (in that order) will get you something pretty close.

i'm not sure who brad will end up with!!! this whole time i've been positive that it's chantal, but i am still in shock that emily told r2d2 that she was in love with him and even more shocking that he reciprocated!

we're having a costume party for the last episode if you want to come, seal said he might be available.

balenciaga 11, what's to love

2011-03-04T16:31:00.000-08:00

the drape
the shifting proportions
the energy of black and white
what's not to love..

today i smell like

2011-03-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

him
plus her

i'm terrified of ending up alone..in south africa

2011-03-02T05:03:00.001-08:00

no one got the pronoun memo, fine. i would like to go into adverbs, but it will be of no use.

i am also starting to look at things in the shop and think about what the girls on the bachelor would look good in.

brad kicks off the only girl without implants this week, i'm fine with that.

love that when brad is boarding the plane, the flight attendant lingers for an uncomfortable amount of time. "ginger ale? and, meet you in 5 at the restroom?"

brad and chantal: safari date. chantal found the bongo jean shorts i wore to orlando on my senior band trip in high school and decided to wear them on her date with brad. unfortunately, it is clear at this point that she traded up burritos in anguilla for frappuccinos in seattle. as kk says, "look at those arms!" the continuous breakaway shots to the hippos were not helpful. neither was the muddy creek running behind them, brad's teva resurrection or the derivative safari commentary. we have lions in america. try the austin zoo. or come to waco and you and jeremy can see the lions at cameron park and talk about being vulnerable.

from their dinner date:
"i'll say this..oh wait, should i say this?"
"yeah, if you are asking, then you definitely should."

huh, i never learned that principle.

in the end, brad says that he loves chantal's boldness, but i think he is getting her personality mixed up with her grateful dead tour dress.

emily tick is dressed for a date in south texas, not south africa, but her charming southern idioms, cute personality and hot bod make you forget that she missed her target by 9500 miles. minus one point for "this feels like the lion king, but better" comment. the daytime date was fun, but brad awkwardly mentions how he loves baby elephants and how he misses ricky. i felt a little manipulated.

for their dinner date, brad attaches the sleeves to his convertible v neck tshirt while emily knocks it out of the park with a black mini dress. the conversation is nice but brad always looks so nervous, i guess because even he knows that emily is not on his level, she is aspirational. i was not expecting emily to tell him she was in love with him. AND, i COULD NOT BELIEVE that brad said the same thing back. it made me wonder why he hasn't said the same thing to chantal.

the date with ashley was not interesting at all until their picnic, when the difference in their life goals became abundantly clear. from that point on, they both annoyed me so much that i had to mute at times to block out smurfette's squealing or brad's endless repetition of whatever ashley just said. at dinner, she says "like, i really feel like we really do want the same things, but i have a hard time communicating that to you.." unless ashley has an android twin like brad does, who can have a family and iron brad's purple shirts and drawstring cargo pants, while pursuing a time consuming career, they do not want the same thing. i also don't know why brad keeps saying "i'm frustrated, frustrated with myself". i'm sure that is a technique that dr jaime taught him, but it releases ashley of any responsibility, which is a problem.

by the rose ceremony, it is clear that brad is not doing well with the time change. with every date, his eyes became a little bit more puffy, and by the rose ceremony, he looks like he is strung out on peyote. he may have forgotten a converter for his battery charger. but his suit looks nice, i like his tie, especially.

ashley gets the boot, with good reason, and next week, brad, emily and chantal will go to cape town to meet his family. the ending is inevitable, but i'm still looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds.

from sunday's paper

2011-03-01T16:34:00.001-08:00

meatloaf, sure

2011-03-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

i didn't think it was possible, but e is getting even cuter..

and the little one said..

2011-03-01T16:07:00.000-08:00

baby girl echols, coming to you in july..

rattlesnake round up

2011-02-28T11:53:00.000-08:00

this weekend, jse, cb and i went to a rattlesnake round up in oglesby, texas.

all sorts of people are interested in rattlesnakes, including:

this guy with one eye, who we think lost an eye to a you-know-what..
inmates (cb posed as a decoy)..
and a crew from animal planet, who were filming a pilot for a series on snakes in texas..
they recorded me petting the rattle of a snake, probably because they thought i was a japanese tourist.

there were all sorts of demonstrations and also rattlesnake paraphernalia for sale, i am thinking of carrying these hair accessories at the store..
the most amazing demonstration was at the end, when the heart of texas snake handlers attempted to break a world record on the number of snakes + human in a bath tub. prior to saturday, the record was 120.
121, 122..don't they look nervous?
123! a new world record..i don't think i've ever seen a world record broken in person, i felt accomplished, even though i didn't do anything.